


Curve Balls

by storywriter55



Series: Milestones [19]
Category: White Collar (TV 2009)
Genre: Angst and Hurt/Comfort, F/M, Health Issues, Helping a Friend, Loss of a pet, Miscarriage, copies vs forgeries, late pregnancy
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-01-23
Updated: 2021-01-24
Packaged: 2021-03-15 20:33:48
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 19
Words: 41,982
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28944483
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/storywriter55/pseuds/storywriter55
Summary: Peter faces a health crisis while the Caffreys suffer through a loss of their own. Part of the Milestones series (12.6 years)
Relationships: Neal Caffrey/Sara Ellis
Series: Milestones [19]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/80614
Kudos: 5





	1. Chapter 1

Sara lay in bed, looking over at Neal who was gently snoring next to her. It was almost two in the morning and she turned over, trying once again to find sleep. Neal felt her move against him and without so much as waking, he followed her lead, turning towards her and spooning her as he pulled her close. His body was warm and solid against hers and Sara tried her best to relax, giving up after a few minutes and slipping out of bed so she wouldn’t wake him. 

She hadn’t quite found the words yet to tell him what he deserved to know. It was bad enough that she’d known days; when Neal found out, he would surely have a little trouble sleeping himself. She made her way to the kitchen and warmed up a glass of milk as she looked around the kitchen and family room, eerily quiet at this hour of the night. This was the nerve centre of their home, where Hope and Liam did their homework, where they had their meals, where they curled up and watched movies together on Friday nights, where they lived their lives. 

She spotted a picture of Hope on the bookshelf in the family room and walked over to pick it up. She’d been no more than three years old at the time, Sara mused. Back then, everything had been in flux. They’d been hoping and praying for another baby, Neal was still working for Peter part-time as well as doing some freelancing... In contrast, nowadays, their lives seemed so much more settled. Both Hope and Liam were in school, their baby already in grade two, learning to read and becoming independent. Neal had been working full time at Finch and Johns for going on seven years and although he still worked on the odd case with Peter, those were few and far between. Hope was twelve going on twenty and she continued to be an amazing kid, fine tuning her skills in the studio, still playing on the school soccer team, strong and fearless like her mom.

Their lives were rooted in an everyday routine and both she and Neal were content with that. They both felt everything was perfect and that they could happily go on living their lives this way, raising their two kids, blissfully living from season to season without any abrupt changes to mess things up. Of course there were the usual ups and downs. Lately, Neal had been worried about Peter’s health and he fretted that his friend might be headed for trouble, June was getting older and in the last year, her health had begun to deteriorate and Mozzie, well, Mozzie would always be Mozzie, mischievous and paranoid, whatever age he was. Everyone around them was getting older and although the changes were subtle, they were still noticeable, especially when you had the misfortune of looking at pictures from ten years earlier.

Time stood still for no one and the fleeting thought that she would soon be turning forty-four caused her heart to skip a beat. At five years her senior, Neal was on the doorstep of the fifties, an incredible realization as she thought of her gorgeous husband who was still as vibrant as always. Of course there was the new greying of the temples and the fact his beard had gone almost totally grey when he let it go in the summertime as he was apt to do. But he was still Neal, strong, loving, sexy Neal she thought as she took a sip of her cup of warm milk. 

Sexy Neal would definitely react though, when she finally spilled the beans in the morning. She’d decided it was unfair to keep him out of the loop any longer and she’d arranged for them to forgo the usual family brunch and head out for an intimate breakfast for two at their local diner. She’d tell him then. The kids could certainly fend for themselves for a couple of hours, especially if Mozzie came by, which was his habit on Saturday mornings. Neal’s old friend was always on the prowl for a good old breakfast of eggs, bacon and French toast, the traditional offerings on weekends.

She sighed and thought maybe now, she could get some sleep and she made her way back upstairs to give it a try. She settled in next to Neal as he stirred.

‘Whassa matter?’ he mumbled, half asleep.

‘Nothing, honey. Go back to sleep’ she urged as she curled up behind him.

She felt him take the hand she’d wrapped around his waist and give it a quick peck as he settled back in and, as if he’d never come around, he immediately resumed his soft snoring. It took a while but finally, Sara was lulled to sleep by its regular rhythm.

WCWCWC

‘I’m telling you Neal. I don’t trust the guy’ Mozzie said as he followed Neal around the kitchen, holding a cup of coffee in his hands.

‘Well Moz, maybe you shouldn’t have crossed him’ Neal replied as he finished getting breakfast on the table.

‘Kids! Breakfast is ready!’ he called out.

‘But...’ began Mozzie.

‘Moz, you’re the one who’s been playing this dangerous little game with Sara and it’s not surprising that someone would decide to retaliate’ he said, his voice edgy.

For years, Mozzie had been ratting out some of his favourite arch-enemies to the redhead insurance investigator in exchange for a tidy sum - and a great deal of satisfaction. Whenever Mozzie was crossed, he didn’t hesitate to strike back, and over the years, he’d given Sara leads on snitches about a dozen times, just the scumbags, mind you. Working the streets made for strange bedfellows and unlikely alliances but it also led to grudges and settling of accounts – and Mozzie, for one, was _not_ prone to forgiving and forgetting. Whenever someone annoyed him, he would put the guy’s name on his ever growing ‘grudge’ list and when the opportunity arose, he would burn them by giving Sara a lead and letting her send someone of her team in to investigate. It had led to the recovery of a number of valuable art pieces and Sara was glad for the leads. Win-win right? 

Most times, the guys involved didn’t have a clue who’d ratted them out – which was fine with Mozzie. He sure as hell didn’t want _his_ name appearing on anyone else’s grudge list. But the arrangement had its price as Mozzie was finding out and his reputation as a snitch among snitches had begun to make the rounds. This time, Mozzie was convinced he’d been found out and he was fearful that Johnny Berlinger aka _The Predator_ was gunning for him.

He followed Neal around the kitchen, not getting the sympathy he’d hoped for and turning his attention to the Caffrey kids who had appeared in the hopes of getting fed. He scoffed at his old friend one last time and sat, grabbing the plate of French toast and putting one on everybody’s plate before serving himself.

As if on cue, Sara appeared at the foot of the stairs looking her usual elegant self in a pair of fitted jeans and a turtle neck sweater and Neal glanced up, smiling in appreciation. She always looked amazing, no matter what she wore.

‘You ready to go?’ she asked her husband as she came over to place a kiss on Liam’s forehead then Hope’s.

‘How come you guys get to go out to breakfast and we don’t?’ exclaimed Hope, pre-teen hormones raging.

‘Because your mom and I never get five minutes alone together’ Neal replied as he ruffled her hair. ‘Now eat your breakfast.’

WCWCWC

Sara and Neal made their way to their local eatery, the place they often took the kids on weekends. It was always buzzing on Saturday mornings but Sonia, their regular waitress, managed to find them a quiet out of the way spot towards the back when she noted they were flying solo. It was nice to be alone, just the two of them for a change Neal reflected, totally oblivious to the reason Sara had proposed the outing in the first place. They’d just settled in and ordered their food when Sara spoke up.

‘Any news on Peter?’ she asked.

Neal’s face suddenly turned serious. ‘No, the test is on Monday.’

‘It could be nothing.’

Peter had been dealing with problems that pointed to some sort of issue with his prostate. At the ripe old age of sixty, he’d started to slow down, letting his underlings at the Bureau do the heavy lifting and he’d begun to notice some worrisome signs which Elizabeth had finally convinced him to confide to their family doctor. The doctor was sufficiently concerned to send Peter for further testing and he was scheduled to have a PSA test on the following Monday. Although Peter always put on a brave face, Neal had seen worry in his best friend’s eyes when he’d met him for lunch earlier in the week.

The Caffreys knew better than anyone how a serious illness could creep up on you. Sara had recently reached her ten year milestone cancer free and the couple was grateful she had come out of her struggle with ovarian cancer relatively unscathed. They knew that illness could rear its ugly head without warning as it had in Sara’s case and that once it got a hold of you, it took control of your life until it was good and ready to let you go.

‘Well, he doesn’t say it, but I know he’s worried’ said Neal, his own concern apparent.

‘El is trying to be strong too. And then there’s the whole thing with Satchmo...’ added Sara, taking a sip of coffee.

Their food arrived and although Sara thought she’d made a safe choice, she looked down at her plate of Eggs Benedict and her stomach suddenly lurched. She made a most unusual gagging sound as Neal looked up, noticing her very pale looking face.

‘You okay?’ he asked.

‘I’ll be right back’ she blurted out as she made a beeline for the washroom.

Neal watched her as she walked away (was she actually running?) There was a nasty flu going around and he hoped she wasn’t getting it.

Sara barely made it to the washroom in time. She’d been sick every morning for the past five days and as a matter of fact, she was surprised Neal hadn’t picked up on it. He was usually the hardest person to keep secrets from – he was observant and curious, a lethal combination. Strangely, she felt fine after she threw up and usually, she could go back to eating except if the smell of bacon was in the air and this place reeked of bacon.

She came back to the table, smiling at her husband. ‘Sorry about that’ she said sheepishly.

‘What’s going on?’ Neal asked, solicitous. ‘I hope you’re not getting that flu that’s going around.’

Sara just shook her head. ‘I’m fine’ she said as she took a mint from her purse and popped it in her mouth.

Neal hesitated for a moment then carried on. If Sara said she was fine, who was he to push it? His wife hated being doted on and he’d learned long ago that he’d know in good time if and when she had something to tell him.

‘So, you were saying about Satchmo?’ he finally said, as he noticed the colour returning to Sara’s face.

‘Yeah… Neal...’ she said, as she put down her fork and grabbed for his hand. She had pussy-footed around the issue long enough.

‘What?’ he asked, suddenly curious as to the intensity in her eyes.

‘There’s something I need to...’ Sara blubbered.

‘Sara? What is it? You’re scaring me.’

She wasn’t the type to hold back from discussing anything. Their twelve year marriage was based on trust and honesty, at least most of the time. Whatever she was hesitating to tell him must be pretty major for her to be reacting this way.

‘Is it one of the kids?’ Neal continued as Sara stared at him, unsure how to continue.

‘Neal, stop… it’s not the kids’ she finally said. ‘Well, at least it’s not about Hope or Liam...’ she added mysteriously.

He stared back, puzzled, and she could see those lines forming between his eyes, the ones that always appeared whenever he was worried or didn’t understand something.

Finally, she couldn’t take it anymore. She squeezed his hand, stared right into his big blue eyes and spoke.

‘Neal, I’m pregnant!’

TBC


	2. Chapter 2

Elizabeth was sitting on the couch with Satchmo’s head snuggled on her lap, gently rubbing his ears and speaking softly to him when Peter walked in. Over the last little while, they’d broken many of the house rules where Satchmo was concerned. He was now allowed on the couch and he wasn’t getting the naughty finger wag when he accidentally peed on the floor – something he’d been doing more and more lately.

Peter took the seat next to her and put an arm around his wife. He could feel her body shaking, the first indication that El was crying... again.

‘Honey...’ he began, at a loss for what to say.

She turned her face towards him and he could see fresh tracks of tears all along her bright red cheeks. There was little left to do for the dog but he knew he had to wait for the moment El was ready to let him go. The elderly pooch had been ill for months but the last week or so, he’d lost all interest in the things that usually made him happy including his daily walk, his special toys, even his evening meal.

‘I think I’m ready’ she said tearfully as she looked up at her husband.

Peter pulled her in to him, her shoulders now bobbing up and down as the tears turned to sobs.Satchmo had been a steadfast and loyal companion but he was going on sixteen, not a bad run for such a large dog and she knew they were lucky to have had him in their lives this long.

‘I think we should get Neal to bring Hope over’ Peter said softly.

He could feel Elizabeth nodding against his shoulder. Hope and Satchmo had been best of friends since she was a baby. The first few years, when Satchmo was a strong and active young dog, he would outrun the toddler as her tiny legs tried to keep up with him but as they both got older, she would catch up to him, regaling in pulling his tail as she broke out in a fit of giggles. Lately, she’d been trusted to hold his leash whenever she accompanied her uncle Peter on a walk. According to her mom, Hope knew this day was coming but had been in denial and there was no way the dog could be put down without giving her a chance to say goodbye. She was going on thirteen and she understood these things although everyone knew she would have a hard time coping with the passing of her faithful friend.

‘How about I call the vet and make an appointment for tomorrow?’ asked Peter.

El nodded, still too upset to speak.

WCWCWC

_7 weeks earlier_

_The front door opened and in burst Sara, followed closely by Neal on the heels of the great dinner they’d just shared. They’d been celebrating the huge case she’d closed at work and the fact the kids were spending the night in Brooklyn was an added bonus as they both stepped into the dark house, giggling like a couple of teenagers. The dinner they’d just had at The Pink Cactus had been out of this world and Sara was high on life and a little high on the bottle of Gattinara she and Neal had just shared._

_They had barely closed the front door when she grabbed his shirt collar, pulling him insistently to her, right there in the middle of their front hall. She planted a long lingering kiss on his grateful lips as he sighed._

_‘You_ **_are_ ** _in a good mood’ he murmured as he pulled out of the kiss._

_‘Awwww’ she exclaimed, throwing her head back in relief. ‘I am so glad this week is over!’_

_He pulled her along towards the kitchen, watching as she slipped out of her heels and threw them by the front door._

_‘How about I fix us a nightcap?’ he suggested, his words sounding like a line from some old movie._

_They rarely drank at home except for wine with dinner and the occasional beer when Peter and El were over but tonight, he felt like a celebratory drink to close out the evening. He began rooting through their liquor cabinet, reading off labels as he went while Sara let herself fall dramatically on the couch in the family room with a loud moan._

_‘So, I can make you a Manhattan or you can have some Grand Marnier or some Amaretto’ he declared, realizing it was probably time to stock up soon – these were slim pickings._

_‘I will go with... some Grand Marnier’ Sara replied unsteadily as Neal came to the realization she did_ **_not_ ** _need any more lubrication._

_He fixed them both a drink and made his way to join her on the couch, taking in the sight of an unusually relaxed and very content Sara._

_‘I like you like this’ he said as he took the spot next to her and handed her the tumbler of liqueur._

_She brought her feet to rest on his lap and took a sip of the sweet nectar, humming as she did. Neal’s smile widened at the sight of her. It wasn’t that Sara was sourly – not really – but she tended to be serious in life and he usually had to work a little to make her laugh, something he considered a personal challenge. And yet, here she was totally relaxed and he hadn’t had to work at all to get her in the mood._

_‘Oh yeah?’ she said, her voice soft and languorous._

_‘Yeah...’ he repeated, his voice rough as he put his glass down and reached for her. She let herself be coaxed, climbing into his lap and letting the expensive dress she was wearing ride up her thighs._

_Neal’s eyes shone in the soft light. ‘Why hello there’ he whispered suggestively as she brought her lips to his, effectively silencing him._

_They’d been playing footsie and flirting shamelessly all through dinner and now that they were alone in the privacy of their own home, they were eager to take things to the next level._

_‘You smell good’ he murmured in her ear as he started to work the zipper on her dress._

_She giggled as his fingers lingered, tickling her back. Her hands reached for his shirt, unbuttoning it with urgency as her hands landed on his belt buckle._

_‘Let’s get you out of these’ she murmured as she got to work. Neal sat there, perfectly content to let her do all the work. He lifted his butt off the couch to help her along and to his surprise, she was ready for action. When had she taken off her underwear? Not that he was complaining in the least, although later, he’d likely regret the poor choice of positions they were in._

_‘Ready Caffrey?’ she murmured in his ear, her voice a little unsteady, as she ran her hands through his hair, pushing all the right buttons._

_‘So ready…' he replied, letting his hand linger up and down her soft, naked buttocks._

_She got right down to business and began writhing on his lap, Neal only too happy to let her take the lead. Frankly, he was just thrilled to be along for the ride. He began grinding his hips up and down as she moaned, totally enraptured._

_‘Babe…’ he said as an afterthought. ‘Don’t you want to go get your....’_

_‘It’s fine’ she interrupted as she bit his lip. ‘Don’t need it.’_

WCWCWC

Neal’s mouth hung open as he stared back at her for a moment. Surely, he’d heard wrong. Maybe she’d said _‘I’m fragrant’._

‘Did you hear what I said?’ she asked as she studied his dazed look.

He just stared some more.

‘Neal, I said I’m _pregnant_ ’ she repeated.

‘But...’ he finally managed to eke out.

‘I know’ she said. ‘I know.’

‘But…’ he repeated as his brain finally began to reconnect with his mouth. ‘How did we do _that_?’

Sara shrugged. She didn’t know either. Getting pregnant with Liam had been a major production, taking more than three years of concentrated effort on both their parts. She’d known even back then it was a long shot following her cancer surgery and they’d both been so thrilled when she’d finally managed to conceive. But the years went by and it seemed like lightning would never strike twice and over the past year, they’d become a little too relaxed even though she did use a diaphragm whenever she thought the timing might be dangerous. She’d shunned birth control pills after her surgery, not wanting to dump any unnecessary drugs into her system and Neal, well Neal had always hated condoms so...But really? Getting pregnant seemed like such a long shot and after Liam, they’d never really thought much about having another baby.

‘I guess the same way we made the other two’ Sara said, her voice sounding strangely detached. Now that she’d told him, it was like she was hearing the news for the first time, all over again.

‘Oh my God’ he said. ‘A baby!’

Neal loved children and he probably would have had a half-dozen if fate hadn’t interceded and made the production of just two so very difficult. But now? He did a quick mental calculation and looked, totally dazed at Sara as he spoke.

‘That means, by the time this kid goes to college, I’ll be...’

‘Almost 70, I know’ said Sara, just as traumatized.

‘I can’t breathe’ Neal said as he brought his hand to his chest.

‘Honey, here, have a sip of water’ she said as she handed him his glass.

Whatever colour Sara’s face had been before she’d made her hasty trip to the washroom, his was twice as pale and she actually worried he might pass out. She touched his hand, trying to get his attention so she could remind him to start breathing but Neal just pushed her away and stood, straight as an arrow.

‘I have to get out of here’ he declared as he bolted for the exit and made his way to the parking lot.

Sara threw some cash on the table and ran after him, actually afraid he might remain in a trance and drive off without her. She caught up to him as he was preparing to unlock the door of a vehicle that wasn’t theirs and she silently redirected him towards their car as she took the keys from his hand.

‘Here, I’ll drive’ she said as she sat him down in the passenger seat.

‘Neal?’ she asked as she slipped into the seat next to him. ‘Are you okay?’

‘Oh my God, Oh my God’ he repeated as he finally turned to look at her.

He looked totally overwhelmed. Perhaps a little more detailed explanation was in order. After all, she’d had slightly more time to decipher the mystery surrounding this immaculate conception.

‘Remember the night we celebrated my big win at work?’ she said.

‘On the couch?’ he asked, his voice robotic.

‘Yeah. It’s my fault. You even asked me if I wanted to go get my diaphragm’ she admitted grudgingly.

Neal seemed to be coming to his senses. ’It’s not your fault’ he said. ‘We’ve been playing with fire for a while now. I guess it never really occurred to me this could happen’ he said faintly.

Sara let out a long slow breath and started to cry softly. She’d known now for almost a week and she was still in shock herself. Although a baby at any point in life was a game changer, at their age, with the kids getting older, it would totally turn their world upside down.

‘Sara, honey look at me’ Neal said as he took in the sight of his wife, upset. ‘It’s not the end of the world.’

‘But, we... how are we...’ she said as she tried to put a coherent sentence together.

‘Hey, come on’ he said, wrapping his arm around her shoulder. ‘It’s just… a surprise, that’s all.’

She looked at him through her tears and shrugged.

‘Wow!’ he repeated for the umpteenth time. ‘Wow!’

TBC


	3. Chapter 3

Neal and Hope sat in the car, mostly in silence. They were headed to Brooklyn to say a final goodbye to Hope’s good friend, Satchmo. She had known for months that the dog was on his last legs; she’d observed the sadness in her Aunt Elizabeth’s eyes whenever the grown-ups talked about how sick he was getting. She had told her parents that she was okay with letting him go without seeing him one last time but Neal and Sara knew differently. Both of them had had people disappear from their lives unexpectedly and both knew the importance of saying a proper goodbye.

Neal reached over and took Hope’s hand as he navigated the bridge.

‘You okay, sweet pea?’ he asked, trying to keep his eyes on the road and get a glimpse into her face at the same time.

She looked up at her dad and he could see the tears spilling out and her bottom lip quivering as it did when she was trying very hard to keep it together. He knew that look from years of living with Sara Ellis.

‘I don’t know what I’m supposed to say to him’ she admitted.

‘You don’t have to say or do anything honey. Just spend a little bit of time with him and... you know, have one last memory of him’ Neal said as he squeezed her hand.

‘Why does he have to die?’ she asked, finally giving in to the emotion.

‘I know it seems unfair to lose someone you love but that’s the way life is...’ Neal began, suddenly feeling ill-equipped to impart any wisdom whatsoever to his daughter.

‘Do _you_ know people who’ve died?’ she asked.

‘Sure’ he admitted as he thought of all the people who’d crosse his path over the years - Kate, Ellen and so many others. ‘And it’s hard every single time.’

Hope was so young to have to suffer such a loss and his first instinct had been to shield her from the inevitable pain although deep down, he knew that would be a mistake. If Hope didn’t say goodbye to Satchmo, she would surely regret it down the line. 

They arrived to find the Burke house eerily quiet. Satchmo, who usually ran to the door to meet them, lay on his warm bed on the living room floor and barely looked up when they entered the house. Neal looked over at Peter and nodded silently; it seemed like a sacrilege to speak out loud at such a sombre moment. Peter signalled him to follow him out to the back yard so Hope and Satchmo could have a few minutes alone. Neal gave his daughter an encouraging little squeeze of the shoulder and followed his best friend out.

‘How’s Elizabeth doing?’ Neal asked as they settled at the table, a pitcher of lemonade in front of them.

‘She’s upstairs…’ replied Peter as if that explained how El was doing.

Neal just nodded in response as he poured himself a glass. 

‘The vet is coming over at 3:00. That way, Satchmo won’t be in a strange place...’ Peter explained.

‘That’s good. Thanks for letting us know… I’m glad Hope has the chance to say goodbye.’

Peter let out a soft laugh and Neal looked up at him curiously. He was no doubt remembering some long ago cherished memory of the dog.

‘You know when we first brought him home, El treated him like a human baby. She used to hold him when he was a puppy, you know with his legs up, like a little baby’ Peter said, his look faraway.

Neal smiled at the anecdote; Elizabeth was indeed a very nurturing person and she’d always treated Satchmo like a member of the family.

‘And the first time you brought Hope over’ Peter continued. ‘Remember? We were all so worried about letting a dog near a baby but Satchmo would just lie beside her baby carrier and watch her sleep for hours.’

Neal smiled again, the memories so fresh in his mind. Although it had been almost thirteen years since Neal and Sara had first visited the Burke home with their newborn daughter, it seemed like yesterday and he had a fleeting thought for this new baby who would never know Satchmo. 

He could see Hope through the kitchen window, sitting on the floor next to the dog, running her hand gently through his fur as Satchmo looked up, not moving, just looking at her with sad eyes. Neal could see Hope's lips moving but couldn’t hear what she was saying and he felt his heart swell as he took in the sight of his daughter trying to cope with a heart-breaking situation. Suddenly, Elizabeth appeared and made her way towards her goddaughter. She sat down on the floor next to the two best friends, her arms reaching to hug Hope as the child began to cry. Neal watched as Elizabeth, despite being wrapped up in her own grief, took Hope in her arms, comforting her as the two of them shared a most intimate moment.

He pulled his gaze away, feeling like a voyeur and turned back to Peter.

‘So, you going in for your test tomorrow?’

‘Yeah, ten o’clock’ Peter replied, letting out a slow breath.

‘Anything I can do?’

‘No thanks, buddy. I’ll let you know how it goes.’

WCWCWC

‘Mozzie, what is it exactly you want me to do?’ Sara asked as the two of them sat sharing a cup of tea – although Mozzie’s tea was actually a glass of Pinot Noir.

‘I don’t know… try to find out if my identity was leaked when you did the recovery?’ he asked tentatively.

In truth, he wasn’t really sure what he wanted Sara to do. All he knew was that he was running scared and the word out on the street was that the Predator was looking for him to even a score. Mozzie had all but gone to ground, not daring to be seen out in public. He’d spent the last week looking over his shoulder or holed up in one of his safe houses.

‘Mozzie, you must have known that eventually, the word would get around that you were grassing fences out. You’ve been giving me leads for going on... what... almost fifteen years. Did you not think, some of your _friends_ would start to figure it out?’

‘None of these people are my _friends_ ’ corrected Mozzie, looking so much more paranoid than his usual paranoid self.

Sara let out a long suffering sigh. Mozzie was such a high maintenance individual and most days, she was happy to indulge him but she could feel nausea creeping its way back and she found herself growing impatient with his whining. She stood suddenly and made her way to the sink to put down her empty cup.

‘Look Mozzie, I thought you came over to spend some time with Liam. He’s up in his room playing video games if you want to go up’ she finally said.

Mozzie looked over at her, disappointed in her lack of empathy. He wasn’t sure exactly _what_ he wanted from Sara but he obviously wasn’t getting it so he swallowed one last sip of wine and stood suddenly.

‘Fine’ he said, petulantly. ‘But if something happens to me...’

‘Oh no you don’t’ Sara interrupted. ‘This is all your doing Mozzie.’

As much as she loved the annoying little man, she was in no mood to put up with any guilt trip. He gave her one last resigned look and turned on his heels as he made his way to the staircase near the front of the house.

‘And don’t you dare draw Liam into this’ called out Sara after him as he began the long climb.

He huffed and continued on his way.

WCWCWC

Sara stepped into the bedroom and began her nightly ritual as Neal sat up in bed, glasses on the tip of his nose, reading from his laptop.

‘I’ve been reading about this PSA test Peter’s having tomorrow’ he said as he studied the screen. ‘It’s just a blood test and a high score can mean a lot of things, not just cancer.’

Sara climbed into bed next to him and glanced over Neal’s shoulder at the screen but without the benefit of her reading glasses, she couldn’t make out much despite her deliberate squinting. 

‘Well, all we can do is be there for him’ she said as she gave up and slipped under the blankets.

Neal nodded as he continued reading. After a few minutes, he closed the laptop and set it aside, slipping under the covers to join his wife.

‘Did you talk to Elizabeth?’ he asked as he opened his arms to her.

‘Yeah but she was pretty broken up and I thought it was better not to push too much. But everything went well and she said Satchmo slipped away quietly with his head on her lap’ Sara replied, slipping into the warm space Neal had just created for her.

‘I’m gonna miss him’ said Neal, his voice nostalgic.

Sara sighed. Satchmo had been around ever since she’d first starting hanging around the Burke house.

’You know the kids have been bugging us for a while now to get a dog. Do you think now might be a good time?’

Neal shrugged. ‘Don’t you think we have enough on our plate for now’ he said as his hand moved to caress her flat belly.

‘I suppose’ she replied.

‘You know, I was so proud of Hope today. She’s a real trooper.’

Sara looked up to meet his eyes ‘Oh, yeah?’

‘Yeah… she’s so smart. How did you and I make such an amazing human being?’ he asked as he kissed the top of her head.

‘I have no idea’ admitted Sara, silently thinking about the new little being that was growing inside her.

Neal seemed to be thinking the same thing as his hand lingered on her stomach. Now that the shock had begun to wear off, he’d begun to see the brighter side of things.

‘So are you going to talk and sing to this one too?’ Sara asked putting her hand on top of his.

‘Of course!’ he replied with a playful grin.

After a moment he spoke again, his voice quiet. ‘I have no idea why this happened but… I want to believe it was meant to be.’

Sara shrugged and relaxed as he began running his hand up and down her back. Their lives had taken so many unexpected twists and turns over the years and there was no sense in questioning why things happened when they did. Her first pregnancy had been unplanned and it had led them down this wonderful path and although, at the time, it had seemed like a disaster, it had turned into one of the most wonderful experiences of their lives.

‘I’ve decided not to worry about what will happen twenty years down the line’ Neal said. ‘I’m just going to live in the moment and enjoy watching you get a big belly and give birth to another amazing human being.’

‘Right!’ Sara said with a note of sarcasm. 'Because gaining forty pounds and pushing a ten pound baby through my narrow birth canal is going to be _so_ enjoyable.’

Neal laughed. ‘Sorry. I guess that was totally selfish of me’ he said.

He leaned in to kiss her lips. ‘I’ve always thought you were never sexier than when you were pregnant’ he whispered as he continued to pepper small kisses on her lips.

‘And then, there’s all that great pregnancy sex – you know...when I just can’t get enough’ echoed Sara remembering her last two go arounds.

Neal purred in response. ‘So, this means what.... a June baby?’ he asked.

‘Sometime around Liam’s birthday, I think. Dr. Cooper will be able to give us a better estimate’ she replied.

‘So, when do you want to tell the kids?’

She shrugged. ‘Let’s give it a few days, okay?’

He nodded in agreement. ‘So, do we have an appointment?’

‘Friday morning’ Sara said.

‘I’ll be there’ said Neal looking down fondly at her. ‘I’ll _always_ be there’ he added.

TBC


	4. Chapter 4

Peter arrived at the lab first thing in the morning with Elizabeth by his side. Although he’d insisted there was no reason for her to come along for something as benign as a blood test, El wouldn’t hear of letting him go alone. For years now, Peter and Elizabeth Burke had been joined at the hip and that was not about to change; whatever happened to one of them also happened to the other.

Elizabeth had barely slept the night before. It was their first night without Satchmo and she’d been restless, nodding off for a few minutes here and there as Peter had watched over her. He’d loved the dog, too, but Satchmo was Elizabeth’s baby, had been since day one, and his passing had hit her harder than expected. 

There were always line-ups for blood work, especially on Mondays when everyone decided they’d put such things off long enough. They found a seat in the crowded waiting room and sat holding hands, side by side as Peter twirled the little pink paper with the number 38 in his hand. 

‘You okay honey?’ asked Elizabeth.

‘It’s just blood work, El.’

‘I know but...’

It might just be blood work but the results would finally explain why Peter was having the issues he was having. She’d made the mistake, as most people do, of consulting Dr. Google and of course she’d gone to the worst case scenario right off the bat: prostate cancer. The rates were staggeringly high although the outcomes were positive and she wished they could fast forward to the following week to meet with Dr. Samuels and get the lo-down on what was causing Peter’s symptoms. She glanced over at her husband and realized again just how much she depended on him. They were married going on twenty-five years and she’d never looked back since that day he’d awkwardly asked her out, so many moons ago. He was her rock, emotionally, physically and every other way. She thought about the last few days, how attentive and loving he’d been with her as she coped with Satchmo’s illness and finally, his death. He was the most caring, loving husband she could ever imagine and the thought of him suffering in any way was too much for her to deal with especially this morning, fragile as she was feeling.

She decided to keep her thoughts to herself and she smiled up at Peter, squeezing his hand.

‘Thirty eight’ called out the receptionist.

WCWCWC

Mozzie made his way up Pearl Street in Manhattan in the most unlikely of disguises. He was wearing an oversized trench coat with the collar turned up, a pair of dark sunglasses, despite the rather drab and dreary day and a broad rim fedora – to say nothing of the lifts in his shoes, giving him a good three extra inches in height. He walked briskly, his gait uneven due to his footwear, and continued to glance behind him every few seconds. Being on the run was an awful lot of work but staying alive was worth it, he pondered as he quickened his step.

A few blocks over, Neal was doing his best impression of concentrating on his work. Ever since the weekend, he’d been having these visions... well not _visions_ exactly, more like wide awake dreams. His mind would wander and these vivid images would pop up unexpectedly, taking him by surprise. The one presently occupying his psyche had him hobbling along with a walker as he made his way to his youngest son’s high school graduation. The person next to him, roughly his age, was all smiles as he spoke: _‘I bet you’re just as proud of your grandson as I am_ ’ the man said.

Neal was shaken out of his reverie by a commotion in the outer office. He glanced through the half-open door and spied his assistant Joyce, chatting with a very odd looking man. Dammit, he thought, he didn’t have time to meet with anyone now; Mozzie was on his way over to meet him for lunch. He was just about to say something when, upon closer study, he suddenly recognized the little – well not so little – man.

‘Moz?’ he asked as Joyce stepped aside to let the odd little person past her.

‘Thank God!’ said Mozzie, stepping into Neal’s inner office. ‘It’s like Fort Knox around here.’

‘What are you doing?’ Neal let out, his voice impatient. ‘And is that one of my...’

‘Desperate times call for desperate measures’ said Mozzie as he continued to look around Neal’s office as if someone was going to pop out from behind Neal’s desk and attack him at any moment.

‘That hat was safely stored in the back of the closet in _my_ bedroom’ Neal continued, incensed that Mozzie had taken one of his prized fedoras from right under his nose.

‘Well, that’s what you get for giving me free rein of your house’ Mozzie replied as if it served Neal right.

Neal sighed loudly and shook his head in desperation.

‘All right, what’s going on here?’ he asked as it began to dawn on him that between the hat on top of his head and whatever Mozzie was hiding in his shoes, he was looking straight into Mozzie’s eyes, his friend astoundingly and suddenly the same height as he was. Mozzie had gone from five foot six to just under six feet tall in less than twenty-four hours.

‘I might have gotten some help from the costume shop over on Second Avenue’ Mozzie murmured.

He brought his hand to cover his mouth as if confiding a secret. ‘Three and a half inches for $29.95’ he admitted.

Neal looked away, finding it difficult to keep a straight face. ‘I thought we were going out to lunch’ he said. ‘But you look like you’re heading over to do a photo shoot for the cover of Mad magazine. You sure you want to go out in public with that get-up?’

Mozzie glared back, unamused. ’Well, I managed to find us a nice out of the way place over on Jensen Avenue’ he said as he pulled out a pamphlet from his oversized coat pocket.

‘Seriously, Moz? The Men’s Mission?’ Neal read, now totally exasperated.

‘I’ll have you know they serve a wonderful shepherd’s pie on Tuesdays’ said Mozzie by way of explanation.

‘Moz, we are _not_ going to the Men’s Mission for lunch. Now take off that ridiculous get-up or I’m not going anywhere with you’ said Neal, at his wits end.

Mozzie had been acting even more paranoid than his usual paranoid self over the past few days. Neal had even found him on the couch in their family room two mornings in a row when he’d come down to make coffee, practically having a coronary as he was startled by the uninvited guest.

‘Why don’t you just meet with Berlinger and have it out with him once and for all?’ Neal asked as they walked up the street towards a nearby café. Although he’d not managed to get Mozzie to drop any of the elements of his ridiculous disguise, he’d at least been successful in convincing him to forgo the soup kitchen Mozzie had originally suggested as their lunch destination.

‘He’s going to kill me, Neal!’ Mozzie exclaimed in his over the top manner.

‘What’s the alternative? You going to go around masquerading as a 1950’s spy for the rest of your life?’ Neal asked.

‘Survival, Neal! One must adapt’ said Mozzie, shaking his finger menacingly.

‘Adapt yes, hide under a rock, no. It’s time to face the music, Moz. Offer him something to make him go away. After all, you did deprive him of his cut on a two million dollar painting as I recall’ Neal said, hoping to make his friend see reason.

It was Mozzie’s turn to sigh. As much as he hated giving _anything_ up, maybe Neal was right. Maybe he needed to make the man an offer in exchange for a chance to live to see another day. He dismissed the idea, his misplaced pride rising to the surface.

‘Never’ he said finally as Neal rolled his eyes, totally frustrated.

WCWCWC

‘Well, I never thought I’d see you two again – unless it was at a cocktail party’ said Dr. Cooper as she walked in and settled at her desk across from Neal and Sara.

Although she was still Sara’s obstetrician, the visits had been few and far between the last few years. She studied their faces as she glanced down at the notes on her desk. Neal hadn’t seen her since that day in the delivery room more than seven years before when Liam was born and he noticed that she was looking a little more wrinkled than she’d been back then.

She glanced down at the file she’d just brought in with her. ‘Well, I strongly suggest you two stop off on the way home and pick up a lottery ticket.’

Sara looked at her, slightly embarrassed and gave her a shy smile.

‘I’m not usually one for spouting statistics but this one is rather startling’ said the doctor.

Sara braced herself for what was coming.

‘Between the fact that you’re operating with only half of the necessary equipment and that you’re forty-three years old…’ Dr. Cooper said as she looked at Sara, ‘…the odds of this happening are approximately three percent.’

Neal couldn’t help but smile, a small private smile – surely, his exceptional genetic material must have something to do with this near impossible feat. Even in this most unexpected and unplanned situation, he had found a way to glean some sense of pride for a job well done.

‘So, what does it mean?’ Sara asked, expecting chapter and verse on the risks of late pregnancy.

‘It means you’re having a baby’ said the doctor, her sense of humour intact.

Sara stared ahead, not amused in the least.

‘All right’ said the good doctor. ‘I will not sugar coat this. There are definite risks involved in any pregnancy after age forty and we’ll need to monitor you closely. I recommend additional genetic testing...’ she began as Sara interrupted her.

‘No! Neal and I have discussed it’ she said as she took her husband’s hand in hers. ‘And we don’t want to do any genetic testing.’

‘I understand, Sara. But knowing what’s ahead can help you cope with potential problems, help you make appropriate decisions’ Dr. Cooper explained.

‘You mean like termination?’ Neal asked, sitting up straight.

Dr. Cooper nodded. ‘It _is_ an option should you want to explore it.’

‘Sara’s right. We don’t want to go that route. For whatever reason, this has happened now and we want to follow it through so… no genetic testing’ he said squeezing Sara’s hand.

Dr. Cooper nodded. ’All right, then. Do let me know if you change your mind and I can explain what tests are available.’ she said, smiling kindly.

‘Sara, I want to see you every couple of weeks’ she concluded. ’There is no reason you can’t have a productive, healthy pregnancy and I will do all I can to ensure that happens.’

‘Thanks’ Neal and Sara said in harmony as they got up to leave.

They made their way out into the bright sunlight, realizing they were still holding hands. They walked to their car in silence, Dr. Cooper’s words echoing in their ears. They had lay in bed the night before discussing the information they had uncovered as they researched the topic of pregnancy in a woman’s forties. Sure, the odds were infinitely higher of some genetic abnormality but they knew they were champs at beating the odds as evidenced by the situation they found themselves in as well as so many others over the years. Neal was a romantic at heart and the thought of terminating a pregnancy because a child of theirs might have special needs did not sit well with him. Sara, for her part, always the pragmatist, had first argued for some testing but she quickly realized that this baby was a gift – a late life gift – and _that_ couldn’t be explained or reasoned away. She had quickly agreed with Neal; this new baby was a blessing and he (or she) was _their_ baby, no matter what.

Now that the shock had begun to wear off, the couple cheerfully turned their minds to adding a new member to their family and they headed home to share the good news with their offspring.

TBC


	5. Chapter 5

Hope stepped back from the canvas and squinted as she tried to get some perspective on the painting she was working on. She glanced at the photograph nearby, noting that she hadn’t gotten the eyes quite right. Ever since the previous weekend, she hadn’t been able to get Satchmo out of her mind. She realized that, although she was beginning to have quite a collection of pieces – mostly oils – she had never painted or even drawn Satchmo. She sighed as she took in his likeness staring back at her. He’d literally been there, in her life, as long as her parents, her godparents, her Uncle Mozzie and her Grandma June had been. As far back as she could remember, he’d been there, always happy to see her, putting up with her no matter what her mood was. If she needed time alone, he’d give it to her no questions asked, if she wanted to run around, he was a willing companion, if she wanted a cuddle, he would lay there and let himself be manhandled.

She’d gotten the idea for the painting after spending time with her Aunt Elizabeth and realizing that she had loved Satchmo most of all. After all, he was _her_ baby and she’d willingly shared him with Hope, no strings attached. Hope had spent so much time at her godparents’ house over the years, so many weekend sleepovers... especially before Liam was born. Practically every Saturday, her godfather would take her out on a special outing to a museum, a library, the park, a movie, and then they would head back to the house in Brooklyn where her aunt Elizabeth was waiting with a warm meal, exactly to Hope’s liking. Her parents were always on her case about eating right - granola, quinoa, asparagus!But when she visited her godparents’ place, she could count on mac and cheese or her aunt’s famous fajitas or better yet, when she had to work, she and her uncle Peter would order a sausage pizza with double cheese and sit and watch a movie together on the couch, Satchmo always nearby. 

As she’d gotten older, Hope had been given more responsibility for the dog and over the past year, Elizabeth had let her take him out on short walks by herself. Satchmo was a lot calmer than he’d been in his younger days and she could easily manage him on the leash without help now that she was older.

She sighed at the memory of all those good times which were now gone for good. She was suddenly aware of her dad standing in the doorway, silently watching her.

‘Dad! You scared me!’ she said as she turned to face him.

‘Sorry, sweet pea. I was just watching you work’ he said, in obvious admiration of her creative process, which from where he was standing looked an awful lot like _his_ creative process. 

It was no wonder. Hope had been painting alongside him for many years in their studio at home. As her interests evolved, he had introduced her to new and varied materials. He was most definitely partial to oil but he wanted her to make up her own mind and he’d brought in pastels, charcoal, water paints and anything else she’d shown a remote interest in over the years. He was secretly thrilled that she was gravitating towards oil these days and he’d noticed when she worked by his side that she’d taken on many of his mannerisms – her way of standing in front of the canvas, the way she studied her work every few seconds before continuing, the way her brow furrowed ever so slightly at a detail she wasn’t totally pleased with. It was like looking in the mirror and Neal made his way closer to better admire her current work of art.

‘Wow! That looks good, honey’ he said as he got closer.

‘I can’t seem to get the eyes right’ she said sadly and he picked up on her anguish. This wasn’t _just another painting_ for her.

‘See here?’ he said, pointing at the photograph ‘That depth... try using a darker shade right about here’ he added directing her attention to the canvas.

She nodded in appreciation for the advice and Neal smiled at her reaction, noticing that her eyes were full of tears. He opened his arms to her and she buried her face in his shirt, finally letting go of the emotion that had been bubbling right under the surface – the emotion that inhabited all great artists.

‘Oh, honey’ he said holding her and placing a hand on her head.

‘Why did he have to die, Daddy?’ she asked, her voice muffled.

Neal looked down at his daughter, so distraught. He wished he could make it all better but this was something she had to get through by herself although he was more than happy to provide comfort and support.

‘I know it seems unfair, Hope. But that’s just how life is... we all die in the end’ he said, feeling his attempt at answering her existential question was particularly inadequate.

‘But I miss him’ she said, her voice quivering.

‘I know you do. He loved you very much’ said Neal. ‘You were a very good friend to him.’

‘What do you think happens when we die?’ she asked, pulling away and looking up at her dad.

‘Nobody knows for sure, honey’ he replied. ‘I guess that’s why we have to make the best of life while we’re here... be the best person we can be.’

His words surprised even himself as he thought of how long it had taken him to learn _that_ life lesson. For so long, Neal had lived from day to day, not caring much about the consequences of his actions, just living for the thrill of the moment. Now, he realized his life was so much richer when he opened himself up and shared himself – the best of himself – with those he loved. It had been a hard-learned lesson due to the poor start he’d had in life and the fact that he hadn’t had many positive role models until Peter had come along. He knew his children would be much wiser in that respect as he witnessed them being so open and loving to those around them. It struck him again how he was learning so much more from his children than the other way around.

‘Are you hungry? It’s time for dinner’ he said, ruffling her hair and making her smile.

She nodded and took his hand.

WCWCWC

‘Uncle Mozzie, why are you wearing a fake moustache and that stupid wig?’ asked Liam as the family sat at the dinner table.

Mozzie looked surreptitiously from Neal to Sara. Although he prided himself on having an open and honest relationship with his young godson, he had also promised them (mostly Sara) that he would never drag the kids into anything relating to his shady dealings. 

‘Yeah, Mozzie why don’t you tell us why you’re wearing that ridiculous moustache and wig’ Neal said loudly, hoping his buddy would see the foolishness of his ways.

After all, they were safe at home in White Plains and Neal was reasonably sure that Johnny Berlinger aka The Predator wasn’t lurking under the kitchen table, waiting to pounce.

‘Do you like it Liam?’ Mozzie asked with false bravado.

‘No, not really’ answered the young child – honesty being the cornerstone of innocence.

‘Well…’ Mozzie lied. ’I’m thinking of doing some community theatre and I’m trying out a couple of new looks.’

‘Well, I think you could eliminate this one’ said Hope, sounding like the smart-alecky pre-teen she regularly morphed into.

Sara looked over at Mozzie, then at Neal and rolled her eyes. She’d had just about enough of this nonsense. Mozzie had all but begged her to release the painting her team had recovered as a result of the lead he’d given her but naturally, she’d refused. The painting – a well known abstract piece by Jackson Pollock – was now safely stored in the recovery room at Sterling Bosh while it waited to be authenticated and released to his rightful owner. 

‘So, who’s up for some strawberry rhubarb pie?’ Neal asked, changing the subject.

He needed to have a heart to heart with Mozzie – and soon. This whole ‘disguise’ thing was starting to be intrusive; even the kids were commenting on it. And if Mozzie _was_ really in trouble, Neal might have to step in and give his buddy a helping hand.

WCWCWC

Sunday morning dawned, sunny and bright, the birds rising much too early for Neal’s liking. He opened one eye and glanced over Sara’s shoulder at the clock – six fifty three. Really? On a Sunday morning? The house was quiet and he immediately realized he had a familiar stirring, one that could be fully appeased with just a little cooperation from his better half. He snuggled up to Sara’s back, placing small butterfly kisses all along her shoulder and waited for her to come to – which didn’t take long at all.

‘Is that you, Caffrey?’ she asked playfully, her voice still thick with sleep.

‘No, it’s your hot latin lover’ Neal replied deadpan, more than happy to play along if that’s what it took to get the job done.

‘Daddy?’ they heard from the other side of their bedroom door.

The kids knew better than to barge in when the door was closed and both of them had gotten an eyeful over the years, motivating them to stick to the agreed upon arrangement.

‘What is it, Liam?’ Neal called out, barely slowing down the nipping at his wife’s back.

‘I want to go play out front with my Hot Wheels’ the boy answered.

‘All right, stay in the front yard’ Neal instructed before returning to his wife’s silky skin. ‘I’ll be down in a little while to start breakfast.’

Sara moaned in response as Neal continued on his diabolical quest for early morning sex. She was usually up for Sunday morning snuggles. She didn’t need convincing at the best of times but there was something about Sunday mornings that just begged for a little cozying up. She could feel her husband pressed up against her and she let out another less than motherly sound as she turned to face him.

‘Oh, oh’ she said, not the kind of moan Neal had been aiming for.

‘I shouldn’t have moved’ she said, feeling the room start to spin.

‘Sorry, honey’ she mumbled as she bolted from the bed to Neal’s utter chagrin.

He sat up on the edge of the bed and ran his fingers through his hair, the mood suddenly broken and he watched as Sara returned with a facecloth in her hand, wiping at her face.

‘Rain check?’ she said demurely as she stood in their bedroom door.

‘I’m going to hold you to that’ Neal said as he made his way over to stand beside her.

He took the facecloth from her hand and dabbed delicately at her mouth as she smiled, her face still pale.

’Why don’t you lie down and grab another little nap while I get started downstairs’ he suggested as he placed a chaste kiss on her forehead.

‘Thanks’ she replied, slipping back under the covers and returning to her previous position.

Neal looked in on Hope who had somehow managed to ignore the loud chirping outside her bedroom window and was still gently snoring. He made his way down the stairs, stopping to look out the front door before continuing on to the kitchen. There sat Liam, still in his pyjamas, in a small corner of the flower bed where he’d created a bunch of intertwined roadways for his miniature cars. Neal smiled at the sight and decided to get to work - within an hour, the whole clan would be clamouring for breakfast and he had stuff to do to get ready. 

Truth be told, Neal enjoyed being alone in their kitchen in the early morning hours. The birds would be singing and he could admire his garden and the bird feeders through the kitchen window while he worked. He started the coffee maker, a hot cup of Italian Roast being a prerequisite to getting to work. He took out the bread, eggs and sausages and was just about to get started when he heard a scream coming from the front of the house: Liam’s scream. He dropped everything and literally ran to the front of the house where he found that Liam was no longer alone. 

TBC


	6. Chapter 6

Neal reached the door in less than a dozen long strides and flung it open as he took in the sight before him.

‘Mozzie!’ he shouted as he opened the door.

The man stared back at Neal and despite the colourful make-up, Neal could see his face was filled with concern.

‘I’m sorry, Liam’ Mozzie was saying apologetically. ‘I didn’t mean to scare you.’

‘Well you did’ replied the seven-year-old, clinging to his father’s side.

Neal reached out and grabbed the man’s gargantuan sleeve, pulling him inside. ’Mozzie! Get the hell in here!’ he said.

‘Who doesn’t love a clown?’ Mozzie asked as he stepped into the house.

Neal rolled his eyes. ‘What planet are you from Moz? Tons of kids hate clowns. Don’t you remember how Liam reacted at the Westchester Fair two years ago?’

‘Oh…’ Mozzie said. ‘I forgot about that.’

Liam frowned and followed his dad to the kitchen, keeping his distance from his godfather who had just given him a helluva fright.

‘This has gone far enough Moz’ Neal said as they entered the kitchen. ‘You and I are going to have a little talk. You can’t keep walking around the boroughs of New York in all kinds of accoutrements. Like walking around White Plains in a clown costume at seven in the morning on a Sunday isn’t going to attract unwanted attention.’

Neal glared at his friend before continuing. ‘Oh, I forgot who I was talking to for a minute’ he added with a firm shake of his head.

They were interrupted by a couple of sets of footsteps coming down the stairs as the womenfolk made their way down to see what all the commotion was about.

‘Mozzie!’ said Sara, shaking her head. ‘Is this about that fence again?’

‘You don’t know what it’s like to have to live underground just to try to stay alive’ Mozzie answered as he removed the clown nose and wig he was wearing.

Sara let out a long suffering sigh. Why did Neal put up with these crazy shenanigans?

‘Go! Get washed up and you can stay for breakfast’ Neal said, attempting to be the voice of reason. ‘Then, you and I are going to have a little talk.’

WCWCWC

‘Why are we having sausages?’ Hope asked as she pushed her food around her plate. ‘I _hate_ sausages and anyway, we usually have bacon.’

Neal exchanged looks with Sara before replying. They’d decided to break the news to the kids over breakfast and he silently asked her if she wanted to go ahead despite the uninvited guest sitting at the table. She gave him a small nod.

‘Well actually, we want to talk to you guys about something’ Neal began.

‘What? Why we’re having sausages instead of bacon?’ Hope said sarcastically. Although normally an agreeable and happy kid, lately she wasn’t always helpful or kind with her comments and Neal glared at her, urging her to tone down the snappy remarks.

‘Well, since you asked, we’ve switched to sausage because your mom can’t stomach the smell of bacon at the moment’ he explained.

Hope eyes widened as she waited for the other shoe to drop. She remembered all too well the last time her mom couldn’t stand the smell of bacon and the reason for _that_ was now sitting right next to her.

‘Your mom and I are having a baby’ he blurted out as Sara began gauging their reactions, her eyes going from her son to her daughter and the weird clown sitting between them.

‘Yay!’ yelled Liam, spontaneously. ‘A baby brother!’

‘Well, we don’t know that yet. It could be a baby sister’ Sara said.

‘Finally!’ Liam added as he tucked into his French toast with gusto. ‘I won’t be the baby of the family.’

Hope continued to play with her food for a few seconds, looking none too pleased. After a moment she stood abruptly, almost knocking over her chair as she spoke loudly. 

‘Well, I think it’s disgusting!’ she declared as she stomped her feet and headed for the front door.

‘Hope Ellis-Caffrey! You turn around this minute!’ Neal warned in an attempt to bring her back to the table.

Sara put her hand on her husband’s arm as she spoke. ‘It’s okay, Neal. Let her go.’

The next sound they heard was the front door slamming as Hope disappeared into the early morning sun.

WCWCWC

‘What are you doing here at this hour, anyway?’ asked Olivia Mason as she moved over to make room for her best friend next to her in her bed.

They’d had dozens of sleepovers, sharing that bed over the years but Hope didn’t usually show up in her pyjamas at eight in the morning on a Sunday.

‘You’re never going to guess what happened’ Hope said, seething.

‘What?’ said Olivia anticipating some horrible family crisis.

Hope took a deep breath before answering. ‘My parents are having another baby.’

‘Awww. That’s sweet’ answered Olivia as she took in her best friend’s glare.

‘It is _not_! It’s disgusting!’ replied Hope, her face growing angry.

‘What? Why is it disgusting?’

‘My dad’s almost fifty for one thing. Who has a baby at fifty?’ replied Hope as she began to calm down, relieved to finally be able to confide in her BFF.

‘So? A lot of people have babies later in life’ answered Olivia. ‘Look at Mrs. Hines, she was at least forty-five when she had Megan.’

‘I know. And look how that turned out’ Hope said spitefully.

‘Hope, I can’t believe you just said that. Megan is a great kid. Everybody loves it when Mrs. Hines brings her to school with her’ Olivia said, disgust apparent in her voice.

Mrs. Hines had been Hope and Olivia’s third grade teacher, their favourite teacher in fact. She had given birth to a child with Down’s Syndrome whom everybody at school adored. Little Megan was now four years old, with the sweetest of dispositions, the deepest dimples and the prettiest smile and everyone gravitated to her whenever she visited. There could be much worse in life than having a little sister like Megan Hines and Hope realized her comment had been totally out of line.

‘I know...’ Hope answered grudgingly. ‘It’s not just that....’

‘What then?’ asked Olivia, looking into her friend’s eyes. They shared just about everything and she knew Hope wouldn’t hold back.

‘Well.... I don’t think it’s normal to... you know... be having sex when you’re that age. It’s gross’ she finally admitted.

Although she made a small attempt at holding back her reaction, Olivia exploded with laughter.

‘Are you kidding me?’ she said as she finally caught her breath. ‘Look, I’m at your house all the time and I see how your parents are with each other. They’re totally into each other - ’

‘Ewwww, gross! Take that back’ said Hope, visibly upset.

‘Are you kidding? They’re _so_ cute together. The way your dad’s always touching your mom when he walks by her and he thinks no one’s looking and the way she stares into his eyes. I wish my parents still had that spark’ said Olivia with a brief look of longing.

‘It’s totally romantic’ she added as Hope began to take in what her friend was saying.

Maybe she was right. There were worse things in life than your parents still having the hots for each other, she reasoned. She just didn’t want it in her face and now everyone in the neighbourhood would know they were still at it like a couple of teenagers.

‘Look, having a baby sister or brother could be fun’ reasoned Olivia. ‘Think of all the money you could make babysitting.’

Hope shrugged. Now that she’d gotten it out of her system, she was feeling better but she knew she would be getting an earful when she got back home.

WCWCWC

‘Thanks Donna. Figured as much’ Neal said into the phone. 

Their friend and neighbour, Donna Mason, had given the Caffreys a quick courtesy call to let them know Hope had shown up on their doorstep a few minutes earlier. Not that Neal or Sara had much of a doubt. Hope and Olivia had been best friends for almost ten years and whenever Hope needed to talk to someone about some issue she didn’t want to discuss with her parents, she did one of two things: head over to the Masons to confide in Olivia or call her Uncle Peter. And Neal didn’t think Hope was going to be heading out to Brooklyn in her jammies.

He hung up and returned to his more immediate problem: the half dressed clown sitting at his kitchen table.

‘Moz, you’ve gone too far this time! First of all, tell me why you think this guy is out there lurking.Have you actually seen him?’ Neal asked as he leaned forward, trying to keep a straight face despite the make-up dripping off his friend’s face.

‘No... not exactly’ responded Mozzie grudgingly.

Neal needed a better answer than that and he crossed his arms as he waited for Mozzie to continue.They were having a second cup of coffee while Sara was upstairs showering and Liam was getting dressed for a Sunday play date with a friend from school. Whether Mozzie’s fears were warranted or not, Neal could see that his buddy was really scared and it was time to step in and see what he could do to help. Just to be on the safe side, Neal and Sara had temporarily curtailed all outings outside the house for Liam and his godfather and the kid was starting to ask questions. It was time to settle this, one way or another.

‘I’ve heard from a couple of… sources that he knows I was the one who ratted him out and that’s why Sterling Bosch magically showed up at the meet and recovered the painting he was about to fence’ admitted Mozzie.

‘Okay… so, can you get word out to him that you want to meet and discuss some sort of... alternate arrangement?’ asked Neal, in solution mode.

‘Alternate arrangement? Neal he wants the painting back. He had a buyer and he stood to make a good commission’ said Mozzie.

‘Well, get that out of your head, Moz. That painting is safely stored at Sterling Bosh and we’re not involving Sara in this. He’s not getting that painting back short of you breaking in and stealing it...’ 

Mozzie shrugged.

‘No, Moz! That’s not going to happen. Look, we can offer him something else. I’ll go with you. Maybe, you can liquidate some assets...’ Neal said before he was interrupted.

‘No, this is my reputation, Neal!’ Mozzie whined like a petulant three-year-old.

‘Oh, because walking around dressed up as Bozo for the rest of your life is the better solution here’ Neal deadpanned.

Mozzie glared at him, a note of embarrassment on his face as he nodded.

‘And you’d come with me to the meet?’ he asked, humbled by his friend’s unconditional support.

‘When have I ever let you down, Moz?’ Neal said just as the front door was heard opening wide and footsteps began going up the stairs.

‘Hope, is that you?’ Neal called out.

Within a few seconds, she stood in the doorway to the kitchen with the same sheepish look Neal had just seen on his best friend’s face a moment before.

‘Do you have anything to say for yourself?’ he asked sternly.

‘Sorry’ she muttered not raising her eyes.

‘That’s not good enough. Your mom deserves an explanation’ Neal said with his most serious dad face. He didn’t have to use it very often but he had a feeling he’d be getting more practice in the future as his headstrong daughter grew into her teen years which were shaping up to be a wild and crazy roller-coaster ride.

‘Yes, Daddy’ she replied, the sweet docile Hope she used to be before hormones began ravaging her body.

Neal gave her a head nod, sending her on her way and returned to his other problem child – Mozzie.

TBC


	7. Chapter 7

Sara was just finishing getting dressed when she spotted her first-born child, sticking her head in the door frame of her bedroom.

‘Mom?’ said Hope tentatively, unsure how her mom would react.

‘Hi honey’ Sara replied, her voice neutral.

The child took a few hesitant steps into the room and her mom patted the bed, inviting her to sit next to her for a little heart to heart. Sara and Hope had a good, solid relationship mostly due to the fact they could both give as good as they got. They were both strong and determined and Sara had never felt the need to coddle her daughter.Whereas Liam was a gentle, sensitive soul and Sara had to tread lightly around him in order to preserve his self esteem, Hope was... well, Hope was Hope and she could take it.

She sat down and looked up at her mom, embarrassed. ‘I’m sorry about what I said Mom’ she blurted out as she began to cry softly.

Hope had never been much of a cryer. Like her mom, she didn’t like to show her feelings and she subscribed to the ‘stiff upper lip’ doctrine, at least most of the time.

‘You want to tell me what’s going on?’ Sara asked as she pulled her daughter in, hugging her.

‘I don’t know. My emotions are... all over the map’ Hope admitted, sounding oddly grown up.

‘That’s not like you, sweetheart’ said Sara as Hope pulled away to look into her mom’s eyes.

‘Mom... I got my period this morning’ she finally admitted.

‘Oh honey, why didn’t you tell me!’ exclaimed Sara as she ran her hand through her daughter’s dark unruly curls.

‘I think your news trumped my news’ said Hope, embarrassed.

‘Of course not. This is an important day in a girl’s life’ said Sara, a proud smile on her face.

Hope smiled through the tears, her eyes appearing even more blue than usual.

‘Do you need me to get you anything right now?’ asked Sara, preparing to stand to get any item her daughter might need.

‘No, Olivia had .... something’ answered Hope.

Hope had had a package of sanitary napkins and tampons safely tucked away in her sock drawer for the past year waiting for just this moment.

‘I have something for you’ said Sara as she stood and made her way to her bedroom closet, coming away with a wicker basket brimming with various items. Hope looked up at her mom questioningly and Sara sat, setting the basket carefully between them.

‘I prepared a special basket for you, just for today’ said Sara, a warm smile on her face.

Hope’s eyes surveyed the contents as her mom began to take the items out one by one.

‘Well of course, there’s an assortment of feminine products. These tampons are made for young girls like you and if you want to try those, I’ll show you how they work. These you could wear overnight, they’re more absorbent’ she said as she placed the various items on the bed.

‘These pills are made just for girls your age for cramps.... Are you having cramps?’ Sara asked.

‘No’ Hope replied as her eyes returned to the contents of the basket.

‘This is a hot water bottle. I used that a lot when I was a teenager. It helps to curl up in bed with it snug against your stomach. And here’s some special bubble bath – it’s soothing and it smells so good.’She stopped momentarily and glanced at her daughter who was taking it all in.

‘And I got you some of your favourite magazines. Some days, you may just want to lie in bed and read and not do much else. And here’s some candy. I used to get cravings...’ Sara added as she placed a variety of Hope’s favourite junk food on the bed.

Suddenly, Sara was overcome with emotion and she began to tear up. It might have been her present state of hormonal fluctuation or just the realization that her little girl had now crossed over into womanhood – whatever the case, the tears began to flow as Sara continued pointing to the items she had lovingly collected to give to her daughter on this momentous occasion.

‘Mom! I can’t believe you did all this’ said Hope, smiling.

‘Well, it’s been sitting up in the closet for the past year’ Sara confessed. ‘I kept eating the candy and replacing it...’

Hope laughed at the thought of her mom, usually so disciplined and regimented, ingesting copious amounts of Jolly Ranchers and Junior Mints when she got her period, then running out to the store to replace the eaten items.

‘Thanks Mom! I love it!’ Hope said, hugging her.

‘Oh and this…’ said Sara as she handed Hope a small box. ’This is a locket my mom gave to me when I was your age.’

Hope opened the box carefully, peeking in. She remembered seeing her mom wear it on occasion and her eyes met Sara’s as her mouth dropped open.

‘But mom, that’s yours’ she said, holding the sterling silver heart shaped pendant.

‘Well, it’s _yours_ now. You’re a young woman and I want you to have it’ Sara said proudly.

‘But what if you have another....’ Hope began as Sara put a finger to her lips to silence her.

‘Whether this baby is a boy or a girl, _you_ are my first born daughter and I want _you_ to have it.’

Suddenly, Hope realized that no matter what the future held, she would always have that special bond with her mom and she reached up to give Sara a warm hug.

WCWCWC

Sunday night dinner was often shared with the Burkes and on this day, Sara had invited Peter and Elizabeth over to White Plains. Peter was meeting with his doctor early in the week to get his test results and she knew they were both having trouble coping with the wait. She thought a nice meal and some light conversation might do the trick. The parents-to-be had agreed this was not the right time to share their news - El and Peter had enough on their plate - and the group assembled in the dining room as Neal paraded in carrying a huge roast.

‘Wow, that sure smells good’ said Peter as he took in the wonderful aromas. Neal’s roast was a million times better than Peter’s oh-so-ordinary pot roast and he wasn’t afraid to admit it.

Neal did the honours, carving up the meat and placing it on a serving platter while everyone began to dig in. Mozzie had been invited on the condition that he come as _himself_ and he had shown up with a cap and a jean jacket (admittedly not his usual style) but he’d removed said items and looked very Mozzie-like as he sat next to Liam, excitedly discussing their ongoing Yahtzee tournament.

‘So, any new and exciting happenings at White Collar?’ Neal asked, trying to get the conversation jump-started.

‘Awww, you know – same old, same old’ said Peter, not doing a terribly good job of camouflaging his anxiety.

‘Well, over at the office this week, we recovered a very rare Egyptian sculpture – one without an identified artist’ said Neal. 

He’d always been a skilled conversationalist and this party looked like it needed an injection of.... something.

‘Wow, must be old’ said Elizabeth, digging into her food with enthusiasm. Lately, she hadn’t felt much like cooking and she was enjoying the meal that had been prepared for them.

‘Yeah, some of these artifacts were not even attributed to a particular artist – at the time, they were a dime a dozen. Of course now... this one is from the 1300s’ Neal added.

‘Daddy, can we talk about something from this century?’ asked Liam, bored out of his mind. He was into sports and video games and a conversation about an 800 year-old artifact just wasn’t cutting it.

‘All right, buddy’ agreed Neal. ‘What would you like to talk about?’

Between Mozzie’s animated review of a book he was reading on government espionage using microchips imbedded in toilet paper and Liam going on about his school’s basketball team, the more touchy subjects were avoided and everyone dispersed after dinner with Neal and Peter settling in on the back deck of the Caffrey home. The coffee was hot and fragrant, the garden warm and inviting and the crickets chirped as the sun came down on this late summer evening.

‘How are you holding out?’ Neal asked.

‘You know… give me a problem to resolve and I’m there but... not knowing, waiting... it’s the hardest part’ Peter replied as he took a long sip of coffee.

Neal nodded sympathetically.

‘How did you and Sara ever get through that whole period when she was sick’ Peter asked. 

He and Elizabeth had been on the periphery, feeling utterly useless as they’d watched Neal’s anguish and Sara’s struggle and he had always admired their ability to get through that horrible year in their lives.

‘You’re right. Not knowing is the hardest – well, second hardest, I guess. Not being able to do anything for the person you love, _that’s_ the hardest’ Neal said, a faraway look in his eyes.

He thought back to the long months of treatment and how Sara had locked him out in the beginning, leaving him feeling useless and inept as he watched her suffer.

‘But…’ he continued, throwing Peter a lifeline. ‘I think for me and Sara, knowing people were there to support us helped an awful lot.’

Neal let out a sardonic laugh as he continued. ’Do you remember that night you came and collected me at that awful bar? I was stinking drunk and you talked some sense into me and brought me home.’

Peter chuckled as he recalled the incident. It had been anything but funny at the time but ten years later, all he could remember was Neal’s poor, hapless face as he realized how foolish he’d been for behaving in such an irresponsible way.

After a moment of awkward silence, Neal spoke up.

‘You know I’m here, right?’ he said, raising his eyes to look straight into Peter’s.

‘I _do_ know’ Peter said softly as he smiled back at his friend.

WCWCWC

Neal was deep in thought and never heard his wife sneak up behind him. He let out a gasp as she leaned in to give him a quick hug. The guests had left over an hour earlier, Elizabeth thankful as she carried out a half dozen meals Neal had prepared to tide them over the next few weeks.

Neal looked up at his wife, his eyes a complex mixture of... Sara wasn’t quite sure what. She noticed the calculator nearby and notes littering the kitchen table.

‘What’s all this?’ she asked as she took a seat next to him and began reading over his notes.

‘Well, we have to find another room in this house for the baby’ he said.

Sara had been so wrapped up in the kids’ reactions and just coping with the physical changes to her body, she hadn’t given the matter much thought.

‘The way I see it, we have a couple of options’ Neal continued. ‘I could move my studio out of the house... rent a space somewhere.’

‘Oh, Neal, no!’ she said with a pout. ‘That studio means so much to both you and Hope, you can’t give it up.’

Neal conceded that moving it to a rented location would be difficult and costly. He spent every extra minute down there and he loved the fact that, at a moment’s notice, he and Hope could head down there to spend some quality time together.

‘Well, that leaves the attic’ he said with a heavy sigh.

‘You mean make it into a fourth bedroom?’ asked Sara.

‘Yeah, well, if we need to, we could have the baby in with us for the first year...’ he began.

Sara sighed. Having a baby five feet from your bed was less than ideal at the best of times and it played havoc with one’s love life.

‘I was thinking maybe Hope would like to have more privacy and move up to the third floor into her own space. We’d probably have to put in another bathroom too...’ Neal continued as he began moving papers around on the table.

She knew what Neal was suggesting was an expensive proposition and suddenly Sara realized why she was picking up on that look of sadness in his eyes. For the past five years, they’d been steadfastly putting money away for Neal’s pipe dream: his very own art gallery. They knew it was a long term proposition but they were making good headway and they’d already pulled together several thousand dollars. They thought their goal was in sight – another four or five years would do it. A major renovation such as this would totally wipe out their savings and she realized that Neal was just clueing in to what the implications were.

‘Would it wipe out _all_ of our savings?’ she asked.

‘Maybe not all, but it would set us back a good three, four years’ he conceded, reaching out for his wife and inviting her to sit on his lap.

‘Neal...’ she began as she lovingly touched his cheek.

‘Sshh. Don’t say it’ he whispered as he pulled her in for a kiss.

‘This is just trading one dream for another dream’ he said lovingly as he continued to run his hand up and down her cheek.

Sara wrapped her arms around his neck and he settled his face against her chest, holding her tight against him.

TBC


	8. Chapter 8

Dr. Samuels was running late and Elizabeth and Peter waited in silence as one patient after another was escorted to the back offices. Their appointment was scheduled for two forty-five and it was already almost three thirty. El’s hand had not let go of Peter’s and although the room was brim with magazines and newspapers, neither one of them had the inclination to pick one up. 

The receptionist finally called Peter’s name and the two of them were up like a shot, following her into the inner sanctum and being shown to one of the many examination rooms at the back of the clinic’s offices.

‘Please change into this gown in case the doctor wants to do a physical examination’ she instructed before leaving Peter and El alone, waiting... again.

It took no more than ten minutes and the kind doctor appeared, looking very professional and reassuring, just what Peter needed, seeing he was sitting there in just a thin piece of material leaving him terribly exposed. Peter didn’t like this type of attention – never had. He was the world’s worst patient, denying it when he was sick and not following directions willingly. El had come face to face with Peter the rebel on many occasions in their long marriage and she silently wished the doctor good luck as he stepped into the room.

‘Peter, hello’ said the doctor, shaking his hand.

‘And Elizabeth’ he added as he smiled at her.

‘I have the results of your blood work and your PSA levels are, indeed, elevated. But nowadays, we are finding that there are many possible reasons for that. However, in your case, you have quite a few other signs that concern me so, today, I’d like to do a digital rectal exam. Then Elizabeth can join us in the office and we can talk about the next steps. That sound good?’ the doctor concluded.

‘Sounds great’ Peter said, not meaning it in the least.

WCWCWC

The phone on Neal Caffrey’s desk at Finch and Johns rang and he momentarily tore his gaze away from the sculpture he’d been examining to see who was calling. Private number. It could be just about anyone and Neal hesitated before finally picking up and chirping his usual greeting.

‘Neal Caffrey’ he said into the phone.

‘Neal’ the familiar voice whispered. ‘Is this call being monitored?’

‘I doubt it’ Neal answered deliberate and slow. ‘... and good morning Moz.’

‘I finally got us an audience with The Predator’ he said, sounding ominous.

‘An audience...’ Neal repeated. ‘Who is this guy, the Pope?’

The humour was lost on Mozzie, who was much too jittery to appreciate Neal’s attempt at making him laugh. Instead, he charged ahead, clearly on high alert.

‘He said he’d see me at his usual haunt, the Primrose. Tonight... after dark’ Mozzie continued, as if describing some covert operation.

‘Well, let me see if my mommy will let me out after supper...’ Neal said, clearly having fun at his friend’s expense

‘Neal, this is no time for your failed attempts at humour’ Mozzie warned.

‘Fine, fine. I said I’d go with you and I will. But we need some sort of strategy. Comer over for dinner and we’ll see what we can come up with’ he said, before hanging up.

Not for the first time, he mused that whoever had coined the expressions ‘high maintenance’ and ‘drama queen’ surely had Mozzie in mind.

WCWCWC

‘So, alone today?’ asked Dr. Cooper as Sara sat across from her in her office.

‘Yeah, well, appointments every two weeks... Neal’s going to try to come to as many as he can.’

‘Of course. How have you been feeling?’ asked the doctor.

‘Not bad. Tired, well… exhausted really’ Sara admitted reluctantly.

‘Well, a third pregnancy in your mid-forties with a full-time job and two kids at home...’ she said, letting Sara draw her own conclusions.

‘It’s a _fourth_ pregnancy, actually...’ Sara added sheepishly referring to the baby she’d lost during her cancer treatments. Although that seemed like ancient history, Sara never wanted to forget the little baby that might have been.

‘You’re right, sorry. That momentarily slipped my mind’ admitted the doctor. ‘How’s the morning sickness?’

‘Still every day, pretty well. But I’ve got it down to an art. It’s usually quick and... well not painless exactly, but quick and then I’m usually good for the rest of the day unless someone decides to cook bacon’ Sara said.

‘Ah yes, trigger foods. For me it was the smell of coffee. I would gag as soon as I got a whiff. I get it’ said the doctor.

Sara smiled obligingly.

‘Still haven’t changed your mind about genetic testing?’

‘Nope’ Sara responded, resolute.

‘How about spotting? Any of that?’ Dr. Cooper asked.

‘Not so far’ Sara replied.

‘That’s good. Look, in a couple of weeks, it’ll be time for the twelve week ultrasound. I’ll set it up. Until then, try to get as much rest as you can and see if you can reduce your work schedule’ added the doctor before standing to leave.

‘See you in two weeks’ said Sara as she followed her out of the office.

WCWCWC

In another doctor’s office in another part of town, Elizabeth Burke sat in Dr. Samuels’ office looking around at the man’s many awards and certificates lining the walls as she waited for him and Peter to return. She was feeling incredibly protective of Peter and if it hadn’t been totally inappropriate and pathetic, she might have asked to stay and hold her husband’s hand during the examination. But El was all too familiar with social convention and had politely left the room to let the doctor go about his business.

The door opened and Peter appeared, making his way to sit in the chair next to her.

‘How was it?’ she asked, a stupid question to be sure.

He wagged his eyebrows in response. ‘I can tell you all about it over dinner but let’s not, okay?’

El let out a long suffering sigh. She hated it when Peter made light of such serious things. He was always downplaying things and that’s what had gotten them to this point in the first place.

The door opened again and this time Dr. Samuels appeared, a non-committal look on his face, probably the same one he used whether telling a patient he had stage four terminal cancer or that it was a false alarm. Being a doctor meant keeping things on an even keel as much for your patients as for yourself.

Elizabeth sat up straighter, almost jumping out of her chair.

‘Well Peter, your prostate is definitely enlarged and that is what is causing all those symptoms you’ve been having. That, along with your high PSA levels, is worthy of further examination. What I’d like to suggest at this point is two things. I want to do what’s called a transrectal ultrasound, a procedure in which a probe about the size of a finger is inserted and we can get images, similar to a sonogram for a pregnant woman. And I’d like to do a biopsy – that’s removing cells so we can have them looked at by a pathologist.’

Peter noticed that El sat up even straighter at the word ‘biopsy’ – everybody knew that word was associated with another undesirable word: cancer.

Finally, she couldn’t hold it in any longer. ‘So, you think Peter has prostate cancer?’ she asked.

Peter looked over at his wife, slightly annoyed. Being in a doctor’s office with Elizabeth was like being ten years old all over again and sitting next to your mommy who did all the talking for you.

Dr. Samuels, smart man that he was, had seen more than his share of worried wives and he turned his attention back to his patient.

‘Peter, it’s looking more and more suspicious for prostate cancer but we still need to gather a lot more information before we can talk about a diagnosis or treatment options.’

Peter nodded stoically. He’d been doing a lot of reading behind Elizabeth’s back and he knew that an accurate diagnosis was key to treating this type of cancer successfully. He piped up before El could open her mouth again.

‘I understand doctor’ he said.

‘So, we’ll schedule the tests, hopefully this week, and we’ll be in touch’ Dr. Samuels said as he rose, indicating the appointment was over.

Elizabeth opened her mouth to speak but thought better of it when she got a glimpse at the look on Peter’s face – a look definitely directed at her. She stood up dutifully and followed her husband out of the office.

WCWCWC

‘I’m home’ Neal called out as he strolled in, looking perfectly well put together, a fact that was annoying for someone as exhausted as Sara. Although she always started the day looking her usual spry self and she was still able to wear her signature four inch heels, by the middle of the afternoon, she felt like a wilted flower, with barely enough energy to crawl back home to regenerate. 

Neal, on the other hand, always looked the same: his suit perfectly pressed, his hair still impeccably coiffed and his face looking as energetic as if he was starting the day. She gave him a long-suffering sigh as he stepped into the kitchen and, based on her unruly appearance, it didn’t take long for him to draw his own conclusions as to her thoughts.

‘Hey! What are you doing? I told you, no work for you when you get home’ he said, making his way to where she stood, chopping up vegetables.

He dragged her over to the couch in the nearby family room and sat her down forcibly, taking a moment to take off his jacket, loosen his tie and sit down next to her. Sara just stared back, totally mesmerized by his energy and vitality.

‘It’s not fair!’ she muttered.

‘What? That you’re exhausted all the time?’

She nodded reluctantly.

‘Well, you _are_ doing the most important job in this family right now – and you’re doing it 24/7’ he reminded her as he let his hand linger on her belly. His job on the ‘baby-making’ front was long done and it had been immensely more pleasant than what his wife would have to endure for the next few months.

‘You know, the first trimester is always the worse’ he continued, reaching out to wrap his arm around her shoulder. ‘You’ll see, you’ll start to feel better in a couple of weeks.’

She hated it when he was right.

‘In the meantime…’ he added with a sweet smile. ‘…you have to let me pick up the slack around here, okay?’

‘Okay’ she said with a sigh.

‘How did the doctor’s appointment go?’ he asked, looking her straight in the eye to make sure he was getting the real deal. 

He hated missing the scheduled appointments but he couldn’t afford to take the time off every two weeks and they’d agreed that later on, he’d start attending more regularly. In exchange, Sara had promised to tell him everything – and he did mean everything – even if at times, he had to pry certain details from her.

‘Totally non-descript. Same old stuff’ she said with a tired sigh. ‘Oh, but Dr. Cooper reminded me it’s almost time for the twelve week ultrasound.’

‘Ooooh’ said Neal, suddenly excited. ‘This is where we find out if we’re dealing with Clara or Carl.’

‘I hope you’re kidding with those names. Anyway, yeah, at that point, they can usually tell if it’s a boy or a girl.’

Neal got a dreamy look in his eyes.

’Any preferences?’ he asked.

They hadn’t really discussed it but he’d always had a fondness for little girls and even though he adored his son, he was secretly hoping to round out the family with a little princess he could spoil rotten.

‘I’m not even going to venture a guess’ she said although she could well imagine what Neal was thinking.

He straightened up and got to his feet, taking her legs and stretching them out on the couch. ’Well, I hope you don’t mind, I’ve invited Mozzie for dinner. He got us a meeting tonight with that guy he screwed out of that painting so I said I’d go along for moral support.’

‘You don’t think that guy’s really dangerous, do you?’ she asked with concern.

‘I doubt it. The guy just wants his pound of flesh. And by that I mean, his share of the potential profits. Hurting Mozzie isn’t going to give him what he wants’ Neal explained as he returned to the nearby kitchen to carry on with the meal prep.

‘Well, just be careful. I’m not crazy about you meeting with thugs like that’ she said, small worry lines forming between her eyes.

Neal scoffed. ‘Says the woman who horned in on him when he was trying to make a sale.’

‘That’s different’ she said as Neal raised his eyebrows in response.

‘What? I had my baton and besides Lydia was with me.’

Neal stepped in closer, leaning down to kiss her. ‘All in a day’s work, ma’am’ he said with a Southern twang.

She tugged at his tie, bringing him closer and placed a more probing kiss on his lips.

‘And don’t call me ma’am!’

TBC


	9. Chapter 9

Menus for mid-week dinners at the Caffreys were rather uninspired, although there was always plenty of nutritious food on the table. Neal usually saved the more complex and exotic fare for the weekend, doing his best to initiate Liam and Hope to new and interesting foods. The extended family sat at the kitchen table on this night munching on a Mexican themed meal: tacos and a salad.

As always, the kids had other more pressing activities to get to and they disappeared just as fast as the food on their plates had vanished, leaving the threesome of Sara, Mozzie and Neal sitting around the table discussing the meeting with Johnny Berlinger scheduled for 8:00 in a seedy diner in the Bronx. Mozzie was ‘off the charts’ anxious and Neal began to wonder if he shouldn’t slip a Valium in his coffee to take the edge off.

‘First off Moz, lose the negative attitude. You have to go in confident and strong – like you did _nothing_ wrong’ Neal was saying.

‘Well, I kinda...’ Mozzie began.

‘Yes, you did. You _thoroughly_ messed up but now you have to go in letting him know that you’re not intimidated by his threats.’

‘Threats?’ Sara piped up. ‘Neal, you didn’t say anything about any threats.’

Neal realized the error of his ways and immediately attempted a U-turn. ‘Honey, there are _no_ threats.Mozzie just heard this guy’s not happy with him.’

Sara looked sideways at her husband – she knew a redirect when she heard one. If Neal was going along, surely he felt there was no real danger – after all, he’d met with plenty of fences in his long storied career as a conman and besides, nobody was going to gun someone down in the middle of a diner at 8:00 on a weeknight. Or so she hoped.

‘So, what have you come up with?’ Neal asked, turning to Mozzie.

He had tasked Mozzie with coming up with a couple of appealing options that might get Berlinger off his back. The painting itself was worth more than a million dollars and the fence’s take might have been anywhere from ten to fifteen percent of the estimated value. Mozzie was balking at the thought of parting with any of his own treasures but he was smart enough to know he was in survival mode.

‘I could offer him what I made from Sterling Bosch when Sara recovered it’ he said tentatively, testing the waters.

‘Moz, please! Can we be serious?’ Neal said impatiently. Mozzie had been paid ten percent of Sara’s take for the recovery – nowhere near the amount Berlinger stood to make with a sale.

‘All right, all right! I’ll offer to cover his losses’ said Mozzie grudgingly.

‘That might not be enough for him’ Neal warned. ‘This guy just burned a client – maybe a loyal client.He’s gonna want more to make up for the loss. Do you have anything in your…’ Neal cleared his throat as he chose his words carefully, ‘... reserves.’

‘May I speak freely?’ Mozzie asked, looking over at Sara who just let out a sarcastic laugh.

‘It’s a little late for that, don’t you think?’ she said.

‘Fine’ he said, blustery. ‘I do have a smaller Pollock I could put on the table.’

‘Great. Did you bring a picture?’ Neal asked.

Mozzie reached into his pocket, producing a small collection of burner phones before choosing the right one and showing Neal the photograph he’d taken.

‘Oh! One of his earlier untitled pieces. Good choice! You’ve been holding out on me, Moz!’ Neal said with admiration.

Sara looked on with interest. She wondered where this piece had originated from and she made a mental note to check at work and see if there were any outstanding ‘missing’ Pollocks still floating out there.

Finally, Neal made a move to stand up. ‘All right, well, let’s go’ he said Neal as he looked over at his buddy, noting that he seemed a little more confident than when they’d first started talking.

‘Do I have to say it?’ Sara asked as she stood to walk them out.

‘No, you don’t’ said Neal, his voice confident as he kissed her goodbye. ‘And don’t do the dishes, I’ll do them when I get back’ he added, wagging his finger.

He turned and followed Mozzie into the cool autumn night.

WCWCWC

‘I’m glad you decided to come over. I wasn’t sure you’d be up to talking about things’ Sara said as she walked over to the couch in the family room and handed Elizabeth a cup of tea.

‘Well, Peter went back to work for a few hours and it felt like the walls were caving in on me’ El admitted as she gratefully took the cup from her best friend.

‘So, tell me. How did it go today?’

‘Well, you know Peter. Always acting like nothing can get to him – even if there’s a Mac truck headed straight for him’ said El as she blew gently on her tea.

Sara listened patiently. She remembered the first few weeks as she waited for her cancer diagnosis, not knowing what was up ahead. She and Peter were similar in that way – they tended to cowboy up and just keep a lid on their fears and insecurities. But they were both married to very sensitive people and although Neal had taken his cue from her and just stood by her stoically, she’d known he was going out of his mind with worry. She wondered if El had it in her to hold back and give Peter his space.

‘Well, maybe Peter needs to work things out for himself first’ she said, sharing her point of view.

‘Tell me about it. It drives me nuts. The more I try to get to him to talk about his feelings, the more he clams up’ El confessed.

Sara sat there in silence; maybe Elizabeth would _get it_ if she just took the time to listen to her own words.

‘What?’ El finally said after a few seconds of silence. ‘You think I should back off him and let him work things out for himself?’

‘I didn’t say that’ she replied. Everyone was different. She just knew that when she’d gotten sick, she’d needed to process things before letting Neal in and that, with certain people, it took a little longer than others.

‘What about you? How did _you_ cope with things in the beginning?’ asked Elizabeth.

‘Well, you know Neal. He wears his heart on his sleeve and at first, I could see him desperately trying to get me to open up. But I was dealing with my own stuff and I couldn’t worry about hurting his feelings so I... basically clammed up for a while’ Sara admitted, a faraway look in her eyes.

‘But why would you do that? You know how much Neal loves you. That’s what I don’t understand about Peter. I want to talk about it because I love him so much...’ El said, her voice getting a little shaky.

‘And he knows that, the same way I knew that Neal... but we each process things differently and I needed some space and the last thing I needed was having Neal on my case about sharing my thoughts and feelings.’

Elizabeth looked at Sara intently. She knew there was a grain of truth in what she was saying. Peter hated having attention heaped on him and when she coddled him and nagged him, it wasn’t perceived as her being supportive. But that was how El loved – this was ‘her way’ and she wondered how she could love him any differently. The thought brought unbidden tears and Sara reached over and took her hand, gently squeezing it.

‘You’ll find your own way of coping, El. Just keep the channels of communication open and try to back off – just a little’ she added bringing her thumb and index finger together in a visual cue.

Elizabeth laughed through the tears and reached out to hug her friend. Whether she could discuss her worries with Peter or not, she was relieved to know she had someone she could confide in.

WCWCWC

The part of town in which The Primrose was located was seedy and littered with small time criminals. Mozzie and Neal made their way up the street with confidence (never let them see you sweat, the Caffrey credo). They’d both been down in this area plenty of times, running scams, meeting contacts and generally being up to no good. Neal often frequented this area as an employee of Finch and Johns, the flip side of his life before his rehabilitation but regardless of which side of the tracks you stood, the place never changed. They finally spotted the hangout half way down a row of similar establishments.

The instructions had been to ask for a meeting with The Predator at the bar and they would be directed to ‘his’ table. He apparently held court there on a regular basis. Neal had dressed down for the occasion, jeans and a polo and Mozzie… well, despite wishing he could sink under the floor, Mozzie was his usual flamboyant self wearing a loud yellow shirt and a dark oversize trench coat, despite the warm evening.

The guy behind the bar barely blinked when Mozzie dramatically asked for ‘The Predator’. It sounded like some bad B-movie but the guy just pointed to a booth towards the back and Neal ordered two beers. They took their drinks over, trying to look like they belonged in this dive.

The guy was definitely making Mozzie sweat and he waited until they’d made it half-way through their beer before he finally made an appearance, looming over them – all six foot five of him. He was a bear of a man and Neal began to understand Mozzie’s fears. He had a fleeting thought for his wife who’d accosted this guy in the middle of a buy; she never ceased to amaze him. If this guy decided he was going to teach you a lesson, you would definitely be in need of a visit to the nearest emergency room. Luckily, Neal had brought along his secret weapon, his silver tongue.

‘Berlinger’ Neal said standing and offering his hand. ‘Nice to finally meet you. Your reputation precedes you.’

‘Sit down’ he said gruffly as he folded his huge frame into the booth across from them.

_(Strike one)_

‘Talk Mozzie. Do you have the painting?’ the man asked, totally ignoring Neal and zeroing in on the bald little man who was causing him grief.

‘I have something even better’ began Mozzie excitedly, fumbling for his phone.

He was immediately cut off by the thug and was instantly reminded of why this guy had made his way onto his blacklist in the first place.

‘Where’s my painting?’ he repeated louder.

_(Strike two)_

Neal thought he’d try his luck. ‘Look Berlinger. We _can’t_ get you the painting but we could get you...’

Again, the guy just glared and this time he stood, looming over them. He obviously wasn’t impressed with Mozzie’s offer or Neal’s negotiation skills.

‘You have one week to get me that painting or I’ll flatten you’ he said, definitely a man of few words.

_(Strike three)_

And just like that, the meeting was over and Neal and Mozzie exchanged glances, anxious to get the hell out of this place.

‘That went well’ Neal said as they rose to leave.

WCWCWC

By the time Neal made it home to White Plains, the house on Meadowbrook Street was dark and quiet. He thought about his most ordinary, uneventful life and let out a sigh, never happier to make it home. He and Mozzie had regrouped at a far less contentious out of the way bar and they’d strategized until they’d come up with what he thought was the only logical solution to their dilemma.He had to come clean to his wife though, because he had a not so ‘legal’ part to play in the caper and gone were the days when he’d do anything of that nature without discussing it with Sara first.

He tiptoed up to their bedroom, jacket flung over his arm, and found Sara sitting up in bed, reading.

‘Hey’ he said. ‘I thought you’d be sound asleep.’

She shrugged. Truth was, she’d already slept a couple of hours but had woken up abruptly about twenty minutes earlier, realizing he hadn’t yet made it home and she’d become a little worried.

‘That was a helluva meeting’ she said, putting her book and reading glasses down on the bedside table.

Neal sat on the edge of the bed and took off his shoes and socks. He stood and removed his shirt, his pants and underwear and made his way to get some silk pyjama bottoms while Sara observed him in silence. Some things were better discussed in the warmth of your bed as you held your significant other snuggly in your arms. He made a quick detour to the bathroom and within minutes, they were settled into each others’ arms as Neal prepared to spill the beans.

‘We need to talk’ he said.

TBC


	10. Chapter 10

‘That sounds ominous’ Sara said as she curled up in Neal’s arms.

‘Well, the guy is definitely scary’ he said. ‘How the hell did you ever get the painting from him?’

Sara shrugged. ‘Like I always do. I was holding the paper work in one hand and my baton in the other. He folded like a cheap suit and handed it over.’

Neal raised his eyebrows, thoroughly impressed by his wife’s recovery skills.

‘Well, he wants nothing less than the Pollock that was recovered. This guy’s obviously got a client he does _not_ want to disappoint.’

‘You mean he didn’t want _any_ of the stuff Mozzie had to offer?’

She felt Neal shake his head against the pillow.

‘Nada. He’s adamant.’

‘Do you think this guy would really hurt Mozzie?’ she asked, concern rising in her voice.

‘Oh, yeah. This guy means business and he’s majorly pissed at Mozzie.’

‘That’s it!’ Sara said, sitting up to look into her husband’s eyes. ‘I’m not taking any more leads on recoveries from Mozzie.’

‘I think Moz has woken up the giant this time – his greed got the better of him.’

Sara frowned. ‘So what are you going to do?’

‘Honey, I can’t leave him like that. Not unless you want us to hide him in the basement for the rest of our natural lives’ Neal said, his voice quiet.

Sara listened, trying to infer what he was leading up to. Finally, she spoke up.

‘You want me look the other way while you steal it back?’ she asked in horror, thinking about the implications for herself and for Neal.

‘No, no! Of course not’ Neal said adamantly. ‘Look, I’ll do just about anything for Mozzie but I would never ask you to put your job at risk and I sure as hell am not going back to jail after all this time.’

‘Then what?’ she asked. She could see the wheels turning, that naughty look she’d seen so may times in her husband’s eyes.

‘Well, this guy’s not the sharpest tool in the shed and I don’t know about his client but...’ he said as Sara finally clued in to where this was going. She knew her husband well, how he reasoned, where his talents lay.

‘You want to do a forgery’ she said finally.

‘I could make a _copy_ ’ he corrected. ‘And leave it hanging around.’

‘Neal, you can’t be directly involved in this’ she said, growing alarmed.

‘I know that’ he replied calmly.

There was a fine line between mimicking an artist, simply copying his style and knowingly trying to pass off a copy as an original. That was the difference between a copy and a forgery and the latter could land him straight back in the slammer.

‘Oh, Neal! What if you get caught?’

‘How would I get caught? I make a copy – which is perfectly legal – and someone steals it from our house, unbeknownst to me...’

‘And Mozzie’s okay with carrying out the second part of the scheme on his own?’ she asked. She wanted Neal as far away from this as possible.

‘Moz? That’s business as usual for him’ said Neal, trying to make light of the situation.

‘Oh, God! Why does he always land himself in these messes? Did you ever find out why this guy was on Mozzie’s enemy list in the first place?’

Neal hemmed and hawed, preparing for Sara’s reaction to what Mozzie had confided.

‘Apparently, he had the misfortune of commenting on a shirt Moz was wearing once. Called it pink instead of salmon.’

She didn’t disappoint. ’Please!’ she said in her no-nonsense Sara Ellis way. ‘Just buy Mozzie some new shirts and tell him to grow a pair.’

‘I do need a favour, though’ Neal continued, stifling a laugh.

It didn’t take a rocket scientist to figure out what he was about to ask. ’You want me to get you in so you can look at the original’ she said without missing a beat.

‘I love how you know me so well’ he said, placing a kiss on her lips.

Sara gave him a look of despair. ‘Fine’ she agreed. ‘You can come over and check it out.’

Relieved, Neal felt a twinge of excitement and pulled his wife in for a long, slow kiss. She pulled away, taking his chin in her hand and breaking the mood.

‘Honey, Elizabeth came over tonight’ she said, her voice growing serious.

‘Oh, my God! With all this crap going on, I totally forgot today was Peter’s appointment. How did it go?’ he asked, momentarily distracted form his amorous intentions.

‘Not much to report. The doctor did some kind of internal exam’ she said.

‘Ewwww’ Neal couldn’t help but utter as he imagined such a test. Whatever stirrings he’d been feeling a moment earlier vanished at the thought.

‘But they are using the word ‘cancer’ and he’s got Peter going for some kind of MRI and a biopsy’ Sara explained.

‘Oh no’ said Neal. ‘I’ll call him in the morning.’

‘Honey, I think you need to talk to Elizabeth too. She’s really struggling with how far to push him. You know how she can be a little ... intense and Peter, well he’s being his usual ‘nothing can get to me’ Peter and she’s having trouble giving him his space.’

Neal scoffed at the scenario which sounded vaguely familiar. ‘You’re thinking I could talk to her about how I was feeling when...’

‘I just think you two have a lot in common, both married to a couple of control freaks who don’t easily share their feelings.’

Neal chuckled. ’Well, I happen to _love_ my control freak.’

‘Oh yeah?’ Sara said, now suddenly open to his earlier advances.

She ran her hand down his chest and was headed straight for the edge of his sleep pants when Neal’s hand stopped her. He was having trouble getting the visuals of a rectal examination out of his head and he kissed her sweetly on the nose.

‘You know... I’m good’ he said, an unusual rebuff on his part. ‘How about I set the alarm for an hour earlier instead?’

‘All right Caffrey, I’ll let you off the hook’ she said as she turned over, inviting him to curl up behind her.

WCWCWC

The offices of the White Collar Unit looked exactly as they always had when Neal strolled in, his usual strut causing heads to turn. Regardless of his advancing age or the reason he was walking into a room, Neal knew how to get everyone’s attention. That would never change.

‘Caffrey’ Jones called out from his office up on the promenade. ‘Come on up!’

Neal sauntered up the stairs, noticing that Diana was sitting in Jones’s office, feet up on the desk, cup of coffee in hand.

‘Hey, I see I’ve caught you in the middle of a very important case’ Neal uttered in jest.

‘Well, we can’t always be running around shooting bad guys’ said Diana, standing to give him a quick hug.

‘What brings you out here today? Have you run out of work over there at Finch and Johns?’ teased Jones.

Although Neal had worked with the crew on two occasions over the past year, his official visits to the unit were rather rare and consisted mostly of social calls to Peter.

‘I’m on my way over to Sterling Bosch but I thought I’d stop by for a little visit’ Neal explained as he glanced into Peter’s empty office.

‘If you’re looking for Peter,he had a meeting with the big shots from DC this morning but he should be back any minute’ explained Diana.

‘So...’ Neal began, not wanting to be indiscreet. ‘How’s he doing these days?’

‘You know Peter, can’t read anything on that face of his. But I’ve known my boss long enough to know his tells’ said Diana.

‘Yeah, we’re trying to give him some space but every once in a while he’ll space out in the middle of a conversation before snapping right back into it’ added Jones.

‘Well, waiting for a diagnosis is no fun’ countered Neal. ‘Believe me....’

Diana piped up. ’So how are Sara and the kids?’

‘Everybody’s great!’ Neal said before catching himself. He was about to mention the pregnancy when he realized it just wouldn’t do to share the news with Jones and Diana when Peter and Elizabeth still hadn’t been told. Sara was now close to ten weeks along and it was time to come clean to their best friends.

‘So this is what happens when the cat’s away’ came Peter’s familiar voice from behind Neal, startling him in the process.

‘Peter!’ he said, happy to lay eyes on his best friend.

‘Hey!’ replied Peter as he gave Neal a friendly tap on the shoulder. ‘What brings you to White Collar?’

‘On my way to see Sara at Sterling Bosh and took a chance you’d be in’ Neal said. ‘We wanted to invite you and El over for dinner tonight.’

‘On a week night?’ Peter asked. ‘Sure, let me check with El and I’ll call you back.’

Neal bid everyone goodbye. Although he was just as worried about Peter as he’d been before, he’d at least seen him for himself and he’d found exactly what he’d always found - strong, dependable Peter keeping everything under wraps.

WCWCWC

‘Hi Jenny, how are you?’ Neal asked, smiling broadly, as he walked into the outer room of Sara’s office.

Jenny Birchard had been Sara’s assistant for going on four years – a record for Sara and a testament to her mellowing approach to staff as the years passed. Since Neal had known Sara, going on over fifteen years, he’d seen her go through her share of assistants.

‘Mr. Caffrey’ she gushed. Although she was less than thirty years old, she knew a gorgeous guy when she saw one and Neal never missed out on an opportunity to turn on the charm whenever he visited.

‘I think my wife’s expecting me’ he said, his megawatt smile firmly in place.

‘She is. But she had to meet with someone and she asked if you could wait for her in the waiting room up on the 38th floor.’

‘Sure thing. You take care’ he said, giving her a small wink and making his way back to the elevator. 

Neal never understood why people hesitated about being friendly. It didn’t cost a dime to smile and be friendly and it made everyone feel good. Win-win. He took the elevator up the 38th floor where Sterling Bosch housed its recovery room, a temperature controlled area where items were brought in for storage while they awaited authentication and a return to their rightful owners. Finch and Johns had a room which was almost identical and he spent many waking hours there, scrutinizing rare and expensive art pieces. 

He settled in the opulent waiting area and immediately spotted his wife coming up the hall towards him with a colleague by her side. She was wearing a turquoise dress, slightly off the shoulder, tight along her hips and ending just above her knees. Her usual four inch heels (which he knew she would have to regrettably leave behind, at least temporarily) made her legs look like they went all the way up to her neck. She turned sideways and Neal scrutinized her belly, ever so slightly rounded as she slumped for just an instant. To the naked eye, the tiny baby bump would be undetectable but to a loving husband, it was unmistakeable and Neal felt that familiar stirring he’d been fighting to ignore for a couple of days. Early morning hadn’t been conducive to connecting under the sheets and he was still feeling increasingly unfulfilled after a few days of dearth.

Sara appeared before him, having ditched her colleague along the way, and he got to his feet, discreetly adjusting his pants for comfort.

‘Caffrey’ she said, her voice deep as she looked him up and down. ‘ _What_ have you been up to?’

Neal gave her an innocent shrug. As discreet as he’d tried to be, she could read the situation (or rather her husband) like a book and she gave him a brief look, a mixture of desire and admonishment. They walked over to the check-in desk, a prerequisite for entering the inner sanctum.

‘This is Mr. Caffrey from Finch and Johns’ she said to the attendant who was manning the desk. The man checked his list and nodded them through.

The 38th floor was the most highly guarded floor in the building but once you got in past the guard and electronic system, you were pretty well free to circulate as you wanted. Sara looked down at the sign-in ledger, noticing there was no one presently inside and she signalled Neal to follow her down a long narrow corridor. Neal watched as she walked ahead of him, her hips swaying, his mind distracted from the task at hand. It said a lot about his stirrings for his wife that he could be so totally captivated by her when he was about to enter what was akin to a candy store for a guy like him. Sure, he was used to roaming the shelves in the Finch and Johns recovery room but this was all ‘new’ stuff and he couldn’t decide what was turning him on more – the thought of all the goodies he was about to see or the thought of having his way with his beautiful wife high atop Manhattan.

TBC


	11. Chapter 11

Neal followed his wife all the way down a long narrow corridor which opened up onto an open space with several closed doors on either side. It was quiet except for the clickety clack of Sara’s Louboutins echoing on the marble floor to the beat of her provocatively swaying hips. Neal’s mind wandered back to the sensation deep in the pit of his stomach, a persistent reminder that he’d been lusting after his hot wife for days now without any relief in sight.

On a whim, he hurried his footsteps and reached for her arm while simultaneously opening one of the closed doors and pulling her inside before pressing her against it with his hard body. 

Sara chortled. ‘What are you doing? Neal, this isn’t the right...’ she began as he gently pushed her up against the door and placed a long lingering kiss on her lips, successfully shutting her up.

He pulled away momentarily, his hips still pressed insistently up against hers. ’I’ve been wanting to do that for days’ he murmured, his voice rough.

Sara smiled indulgently, gently pushing him away but Neal wasn’t going anywhere. ‘You look so hot in that dress…’ he whispered as his lips landed on her neck, in that spot right behind her ear that left her legs rather shaky. 

She was starting to get the picture. Seemed her horny husband had decided her workplace was the perfect place to jump her bones and in the middle of a workday to boot.

‘Neal, you’ve got to be kidding me’ she said breathlessly as she attempted once more to pull out of his insistent embrace. ‘We live together, we sleep in the same bed and you want to do this... here?’

Without the slightest hesitation, Neal continued with his ministrations, his hands and mouth working with lightning speed as he finally gave in to the urges which had been building for days. Seeing her in this environment, her barely discernible baby bump on full display while she focussed unaware on work… well, she’d never looked hotter and the fact they could be found out at any minute only added to the excitement. 

‘You really have no idea what you do to me, do you Repo?’ he murmured into her ear as he pushed her hair back to get better access to her neck.

She snickered, amused by his lack of restraint. ‘You’re crazy Caffrey’ she managed to say before he shut her up once more.

She felt his hand moving up her leg, pushing her dress up and her knees gave out as he pressed her into the wall with a loud groan. With his mind firmly on his present pursuit, Neal opened one eye, getting his bearings and moving them in the direction of a large armoire with a wide ledge where he deposited his wife’s rump and proceeded to continue to feel her up like a horny teenager. He began to push her dress down over her shoulders, exposing the swell of her breast and he went to work, feeling her start to squirm beneath him.

‘Seriously Neal?’ she whimpered, feeling her resistance start to dwindle.

He pulled away, giving her a deliciously naughty look, his bright blue eyes growing dark with lust as he wagged his eyebrows suggestively. Without awaiting further permission, he returned his mouth to the top edge of her dress, using his teeth to gently tug at the soft material.

She tried one last time to keep things from escalating albeit without much conviction. ‘Someone could walk in anytime…Neal, I work here...’ she whimpered rather unconvincingly.

He pressed his body against hers, enjoying the delicious friction and he let his hand wander down between her thighs. She moaned softly, her breath growing ragged and he knew it was game over. He had her right where he wanted her. He buried his face in the crook of her neck and proceeded to finish what he’d started.

WCWCWC

‘Well thank you very much Ms Ellis. I appreciate your cooperation’ Neal said as he shook her hand by the elevator, a satisfied smile on his lips.

‘You’re most welcome, Mr. Caffrey. _Come_ anytime’ she replied, businesslike.

Neal had just finished a thorough inspection of the Pollock he was preparing to reproduce. It would most definitely be a challenge. He’d always been partial to the Impressionists and he couldn’t count the number of Renoirs, Monets and Cézannes he’d reproduced over the years but Pollock’s more abstract style was challenging and he felt slightly insecure as he thought of the task ahead. Oh, he’d do a good job and it would pass muster for most lovers of the artist but he had concerns about those few hard core admirers and he hoped his creation would be up to snuff.

He and Sara had spent a good hour examining the painting from all angles, Sara commenting on depth and perspective. She was quite the art connoisseur and Neal could count on her to bring out some of the more obscure elements of the painting. He’d taken several photographs, mostly details he was concerned about getting just right and he’d scrutinized the way the paint pooled on the surface in places, a trademark of the artist who was known for using gravity and the liquidity of his materials to create the desired effects. Now, all that was left was to pick up a variety of books describing the artist’s technique as well as various photographs of the painting itself which would guide him through his deception. Neal was feeling keyed up and energized – mind you, it might have been because of the most excellent sex he had just shared with his wife – and his confidence soared; he knew he would find a way to pull this off.

He headed back to the office, stopping on the way at a local bookstore to pick up the required texts.He was feeling relaxed and was finally able to concentrate on getting some work done, something he’d been struggling with earlier in the day. 

Peter called to confirm they’d be over for dinner, Hope called to say she’d been invited to a friend’s and the afternoon passed in relative calm as Neal mentally prepared the dinner menu and perused his new book purchases.

By six thirty, the Caffrey-Burke foursome sat at the Caffrey’s kitchen table as Neal served up lasagna and Caesar salad, Liam having elected to eat up in his room so he could get started on his homework. Everyone’s concern for Peter’s wellbeing seemed to permeate the air and there was some inherent tension which Neal hoped to remedy by topping up everyone’s glass of Chianti. 

It wasn’t lost on Elizabeth, who had killer observation skills, that Sara’s glass was left empty.

‘Why aren’t you drinking?’ she asked her friend as Sara looked furtively at Neal.

‘I saw that look’ El continued. ‘And it cannot possibly mean what I think it means.

Peter looked on, totally clueless as the other three adults exchanged looks. This wasn’t exactly how Sara and Neal had planned on breaking the news to their best friends but there was no point in holding back either. Elizabeth was like a dog with a bone; she was picking up weird vibes and Sara knew she wouldn’t stop until she got to the bottom of things.

‘Busted!’ said Sara, looking slightly embarrassed.

‘Busted for what?’ Peter asked, still totally out of the loop.

But before he could get an answer, Elizabeth was on her feet hugging Sara as Neal looked over at his best friend with a shy smile.

‘Please, somebody...’ Peter asked. As a white collar crime investigator, Peter Burke just couldn’t be beat but as an observer of human nature, he was lucky he had Elizabeth and Neal to rely on.

‘Sara’s pregnant Peter’ Neal finally said, putting his friend out of his misery.

‘What?But I didn’t know you were...’ Peter began.

‘We weren’t’ answered Sara. ‘Let’s just say life has a way of throwing you curve balls when you least expect it.’

‘So, how far along are you?’ asked Elizabeth, smiling and at least momentarily forgetting about her woes.

‘About ten weeks’ said Sara.

‘Ten weeks! And you didn’t tell me?’ asked El, sounding a little bitchy.

‘Well, it took me a while to figure it out and then we sort of... had to get used to the idea ourselves’ Sara replied.

Neal cleared his throat. He hadn’t wanted to focus on their news when Peter and Elizabeth were struggling with news of their own. ’You guys have enough going on in your lives without us gushing about having a baby’ he said, looking at Peter.

‘What are you talking about? There’s always room for good news’ Peter said as he gave Neal a firm tap on the shoulder. ‘Congratulations... both of you.’

‘Enough about us’ Neal said, looking somewhat uncomfortable. ‘Tell us what’s going on with you.’

Peter shrugged. Truth be told he’d rather not discuss his situation at all but he knew that Neal’s question came from a place of concern and he reluctantly put down his fork to speak.

‘Well, they’re going to run some more tests but the doctor says there’s definitely some issue with my... prostate’ Peter hesitated as he spoke. 

It seemed weird to be talking about that part of his anatomy although, according to his research, he was far from the only man struggling with the issue of an enlarged prostate gland. Neal held his look, not wanting Peter to feel embarrassed in the least – whether it was his foot or his prostate, Peter’s body was under attack and Neal wanted to be there to support him.

‘So when are these tests?’

‘Day after tomorrow’ Peter replied.

‘You know the dressing on this salad is amazing, Neal’ he continued without missing a beat. 

It was obvious to everyone that the subject was now closed and that there was nothing more that could or needed to be said. Neal respected that and quickly followed Peter’s lead. 

‘Yeah, it’s a new dressing I tried – dried mustard and olive oil’ he answered as he nodded and took a bite of his salad.

The conversation turned to a variety of other topics including a large party Elizabeth was catering the following weekend and some long missing Rodin which had unexpectedly turned up at Sterling Bosch and everyone seemed to relax a little as the wine did its job. Just being together was enough for the foursome; Peter knew that Neal and Sara were there for him no matter what, Elizabeth could feel their support making her feel less alone and Neal and Sara were just happy to be there for their friends throughout this bumpy period – although they felt rather powerless to do anything but listen and be supportive.

Sara and Peter were instructed to go sit in the living room and relax over a cup of coffee while Neal and Elizabeth did the cleaning up. Now that Sara’s condition was out in the open, Neal was free to dote more openly on her, something he’d never hesitated to do in the past.

Elizabeth carried the last of the dirty dishes to the kitchen where Neal was rinsing and placing them in the dishwasher. She wasn’t usually at a loss for words but Neal observed that she’d grown quiet and it didn’t take long for him to pick up on the glistening in her eyes as she briefly let her gaze settle on him.

‘It’s tough, isn’t it?’ he said.

El just nodded and his innocuous question seemed to trigger the emotions which she’d been fighting to keep under wraps.

‘Oh, Neal…’ she said as she began to cry. ‘I can’t bear the thought of anything happening to him.’

Neal put down the plate he was rinsing and turned towards her, opening up his arms for her to curl up in. She let him hold her for a brief instant then she took a step back and looked into his eyes.

‘He’s so...’ she began as she searched for the right word.

Neal raised his eyebrows in anticipation although he knew exactly how she felt. Sara had been exasperatingly stoic and stubborn when she’d first been diagnosed and at a time when he most wanted her to share her feelings with him, she’d chosen to keep him at arm’s length. Peter, like Sara, wasn’t someone who dwelled on his feelings and he could well imagine that Elizabeth, with her need to nurture and take care of him, must be slowly going out of her mind as she tried to break through her husband’s shell.

‘Stubborn?’ he ventured. 

Elizabeth shrugged as she sniffled.

‘If I can give you one word of advice...’ Neal began, tentatively.

Elizabeth nodded through her tears. 

‘Just be there for him but be patient. You have to give him the time he needs to process things. You and I, we wear our hearts on our sleeves, but Sara and Peter – they’re very different creatures and if we push too hard, they just shut down completely.’

Elizabeth looked at him attentively as he spoke. She knew he was right but she also knew how difficult it would be to heed that advice.

‘And El… one more thing. Don’t forget you’re not alone’ he reminded her.

TBC


	12. Chapter 12

‘So Dad, what’s _that_ all about?’ asked Hope as they both stood at their individual easels working away.

‘I just felt like sharpening my skills a little, trying something new’ Neal fibbed as he stepped back to get a better look at the state of his current chef-d’oeuvre.

It wasn’t an outright lie but it was most certainly a deflection. He’d been working on the Pollock for the past two nights and insecurity had begun to creep in, once again. The stakes were high for Mozzie and he hoped that the final product would get Berlinger off his back once and for all.

Hope grimaced at her dad’s answer. Although she’d seen him reproduce masterpieces over the years, she’d never known him to be partial to this more modern style of work. In fact, the last several years, his efforts had been almost exclusively in portraiture as she and her brother continued through life, inspiring their dad to paint them as they grew up.

Neal thought it best to change the subject. He didn’t want to deceive his daughter but he couldn’t let on about what he was really doing to anyone except Mozzie and Sara, plausible deniability and all...

‘How are you feeling about the new baby?’ he asked, pivoting.

Sara had filled him in on the major milestone their daughter had reached the previous weekend and he didn’t want to embarrass her by talking about it. What does a father say to a daughter in those circumstances – _‘so, how are you enjoying having your first period?_ ’. Instead, he’d opted for giving her the space she needed. Although he’d been disappointed in her reaction to the news of Sara’s pregnancy, he was ready to cut her some slack under the circumstances. Hopefully, she’d come around.

Hope didn’t answer, pretending to be concentrating on a detail of the piece she was working on. She had some ‘Caffrey’ in her and she was more than capable of sidestepping uncomfortable conversations, just like her dad.

‘Hope?’ Neal insisted. Whatever issues she was having on the baby front, he wanted to know what they were. They were a family and they needed to stick together.

‘I just don’t know...’ she stopped unsure how to phrase her apprehension. ‘... how it happened.’

Neal rolled his eyes at his daughter – she was not referring to the obvious but she was clearly upset that her parents had accidentally gotten pregnant at their age.

‘You know sweet pea…’ Neal said, putting down his brush and walking over to where Hope was working. ‘We don’t get to control everything in life. Sometimes, things happen when we least expect it.’

‘Daddy, please don’t ask me to be happy about it. I think our family is perfect just the way it is.’

Neal sighed. ’It is… but it’ll be a new, different kind of perfect.’

He could see the wariness in her eyes and he lifted her chin, forcing her to look at him. ‘Honey, can you do something for me’ he asked. ‘Can you please make an effort…. especially around your mom.’

This baby was a reality whether she liked it or not and the further along Sara got, the happier Neal was. He _did_ believe in fate. Sara’s first pregnancy had been totally unplanned and now, looking back, he couldn’t imagine life without the beautiful young woman standing before him.

‘Dinner!’ they heard from upstairs and the twosome headed up to join the rest of the family.

WCWCWC

Elizabeth and Peter sat across from Dr. Samuels desk once again, this time awaiting the results of the latest tests which would likely to be more definitive. The biopsy especially would tell them if the cells which had been harvested, were indeed cancer cells. Elizabeth was doing her very best to heed Neal’s advice, trying so very hard not to mollycoddle Peter. He was a grown man, perfectly capable of dealing with whatever life sent his way; she just needed him to remember he wasn’t alone.

Dr. Samuels came in, that same neutral look on his face, and he sat at his desk, opening the file in front of him. He’d had years of giving good and not so good news and he had the whole thing down to a science. He empathized with what his patients were going through as they sat there bravely but he also knew that he needed to have a clear head so he could give the best advice to those who entrusted their care to him.

‘Peter, we’ve analyzed the sample from the biopsy and you have stage II prostate cancer’ he said, stopping to let that little bit of information sink in.

Elizabeth let out a gasp as she grabbed for Peter’s hand but he just sat there, poker faced, awaiting more information.

‘Stage II means that the cancer cells do not appear to have spread outside the prostate gland. This is excellent news’ Dr. Samuels said, once again pausing for effect.

Although Elizabeth was hearing the words ‘excellent news’, she could feel a tear escaping the corner of her eye and she quickly wiped it away, hoping Peter hadn’t picked up on it. She was trying to be positive and to concentrate on all the good possible outcomes but the shock inevitably went to her very core and hearing that your husband had cancer was an awful lot to digest.

‘Now, I want to tell you right off the bat that prostate cancer has one of the best outcomes of all cancers. It is a very slow growing cancer and in some cases, we can monitor it for months, even years before we have to intervene’ continued Dr. Samuels.

Peter nodded. ‘And what do you recommend in my situation?’ he asked, his voice calm as if he were discussing the weather or some case at the office.

‘Well, I’d like to suggest one more test, a bone scan, just to confirm my suspicions that there are no rapidly dividing cells in the bone. We’ll inject a small amount of radioactive material into a vein and let it travel through the bloodstream. If it settles in the bone, we know that there are abnormal cells located there as well. I really don’t think that’s the case but I’d like to rule that out before we talk about treatment options’ he said with authority.

Elizabeth was still staring ahead, trying to understand the finer points of what was being said but she’d somehow gotten stuck at the words ‘stage II cancer’. Peter, on the other hand, seemed to be taking it all in stride and he remained calm, despite the situation.

‘How soon could you do this bone scan?’ he asked.

‘I’ll schedule it for tomorrow if I can and then I suggest we meet up and discuss your options. We can see you within a week’ he said as he began to fill out the requisition for the test.

‘All right, then’ Peter said, having heard all he needed to hear. Elizabeth’s mouth hung open as if she wanted to say something but she couldn’t formulate a single question or comment which would be helpful so she just squeezed Peter’s hand as they both rose to leave.

WCWCWC

Elizabeth lay in bed, astonished, as she listened to Peter snoring next to her. How could he possibly sleep while all this was happening? He’d been quiet when they’d gotten home and although she’d tried her best to get him to talk about how he was feeling, he hadn’t been forthcoming and she’d given up and sat next to him for a while as he watched a baseball game, beer in hand as he did so many other nights. But this was not every other night and after a while, Elizabeth had given him a meek smile and made her way to the back yard, grabbing the phone as she went.

‘How’d it go today?’ Sara asked at the other end.

‘It’s stage II prostate cancer’ Elizabeth answered, her voice wavering. She couldn’t quite believe the words she was saying.

‘Oh, honey, I’m sorry’ said Sara as she waited for El to continue.

‘They want to do a bone scan tomorrow and then the doctor will recommend treatment – or not’ Elizabeth explained as best she could.

‘What do you mean _not_?’ asked her friend.

‘Well, he said that in some cases they take more of a ‘wait and see’ approach. It depends on the case.’

‘I _have_ heard that prostate cancer has excellent recovery rates’ said Sara, trying to inject some optimism into the conversation.

‘I know all that’ said Elizabeth, fighting back tears.

Through the window, she could see Peter sitting in the living room looking relaxed, without a care in the world. Suddenly, the flood gates opened and she began to cry.

‘Why is Peter acting this way!’ she said, hurt and anger rising in her voice.All she wanted was to be there for him, hold him, share this devastating news but he was behaving as if it was business as usual and Elizabeth was feeling like she would explode if she couldn’t share her fears and apprehensions with someone.

‘El, what makes you think he’s acting? Maybe this is just Peter’s way of _coping_ with what’s happening’ Sara said gently.

There was silence on the other end.

‘Honey, you can’t ask him to be something he’s not’ she continued, hoping she wasn’t pushing too hard.

Sara remembered the horrible weeks after her cancer treatments had begun and how she’d needed to keep Neal at arm’s length just so she could keep her sanity. At the time, she’d known how much he was suffering, she could see it in his eyes every time she looked at him but she couldn’t bear to open up for fear of totally falling apart and not being able to put herself back together again. 

Now as Elizabeth lay next to her husband, the man who’d shared her life for almost twenty-five years, she thought back to Sara’s words of wisdom. Her best friend and husband were alike in that way – action oriented, taking things on without dwelling on emotions and fears. She turned towards him, spooning him, slipping her arm around his warm body. If Peter needed space, she would have to find a way to give him that.

WCWCWC

Neal took one last look at the finished product and let out a long, relieved sigh. He was pretty sure he’d nailed it but he wanted Sara to weigh in before he called it a day. He’d kept her at bay for the duration, preferring to get her honest opinion once the work was totally finished and he crossed his fingers that this painting would pass the ‘Sara Ellis’ test of authenticity. It had been almost a week since he and Mozzie had met with Johnny Berlinger and time was running out. He was eager to put this episode behind them although he had to admit that the last few days, his blood had been pumping like in the old days – when he was a _very_ naughty boy – and the feeling of exhilaration was hard to hide from his wife. She’d seen the glint in his eye every night as he headed down to his studio and she’d noticed that he seemed to have a spring in his step which hadn’t been there the week before.

The door to the studio opened and she walked in, looking around. She didn’t come down there very often, not unless Neal or Hope asked her to. After all, this was their sacred space and she had no business snooping around unless she was invited. She was surprised by the number of pieces Neal had accumulated over the past few months, countless paintings leaning up against the walls, some in various stages of completion. She’d seen them all individually as he finished them but it always surprised her to see all his masterpieces in one place, at one time.

‘So…’ Neal said nervously. ‘I need you to be brutally honest – Berlinger will be, that’s for sure.’

She made her way around the easel to where the painting was placed, her eyes on Neal as she went.She waited until she was face to face with the work of art before finally looking at the painting head-on.

‘Oh, my God!’ she uttered as her mouth dropped open.

Neal let a small sigh escape as he studied her face. She looked enthralled, as if she’d come face to face with a beloved original piece of art she was particularly fond of.

‘Neal, this is amazing’ she said, mesmerized. ‘How do you do it?’

Her eyes were still glued on the painting as she spoke and he could see she was examining all those small details they’d both scrutinized when they’d stood before the original a few days earlier.

‘Honey, I can’t see a single flaw. The technique, the colours, the density, all the little details...’ she let her voice trail as she continued staring.

Neal’s smile widened as she spoke. This was exactly the reaction he’d been hoping for and he let himself resume normal breathing again. She finally pried her eyes away, turning to her husband, noting the pride and excitement dancing in his eyes. An unexpected wave of sadness hit her as she realized he'd given up this exciting yet illicit activity to have a life with her and their children.

‘It can’t be easy for you’ she said as she looked at him, those small lines forming on his forehead as he tried to make sense of what she was saying.

‘You’ve been given this amazing talent and the temptation has to be incredibly hard to resist’ she said as she touched his arm.

He shrugged. ‘I don’t think about it much anymore’ he admitted. ‘I’ve got much better things in my life now.’

‘Still… the excitement of knowing you can copy the greats and profit from it. I can imagine how hard it was to let that go...’

‘Don’t’ Neal said simply as he placed a finger on her lips. ‘I have no regrets.’

TBC


	13. Chapter 13

Neal stood in the kitchen, alone in the house, an unusual occurrence for a weekday morning. The kids had already left for school and he’d just dropped Sara off at the train as she headed into Manhattan for work. He’d taken a few hours off from his job so he could sit with El as she waited for Peter to have his bone scan.

He grabbed his cup of coffee and made his way out to the deck to take in the early morning sunshine on this early autumn day. He glanced at the spot where he’d left his Pollock all nicely wrapped in craft paper and noticed with relief that it had disappeared. After the final inspection the night before, he’d carefully wrapped the painting in brown paper, taking extra care as he worked. He’d had a hoot working on it despite the less than ideal circumstances but he’d meant what he’d said to Sara the night before, giving up his illicit activities for the life he now lived had been worth it in spades.

He couldn’t deny that imitating the greats had a particular appeal – that feeling of pulling one over some of the best art connoisseurs in the world was exhilarating. He had a fleeting thought for his copy of the Haustenberg, still hanging in a respectable museum in Manhattan with no one the wiser and he smiled at the deception. It had taken a long time to learn his life lesson but it had finally sunk in: in life, you had to be prepared to give up something you wanted in order to get something you wanted even more. Although reining in his impulses would always be a challenge for the ex-con, he was ready to accept that this was the price he had to pay to have the life he truly wanted.

WCWCWC

Elizabeth sat, waiting not so patiently for Peter’s test to end. He’d been whisked away to another part of the hospital and she’d been sitting on her own for about five minutes. She hadn’t noticed but her hands were white from the vigorous hand-wringing she’d been engaged in since they’d taken her husband away. She felt a presence by her side and scooted over to make room for the new arrival next to her on the small two seater chair.

The waiting room was getting crowded and she felt slightly uncomfortable as the newcomer invaded her personal space, placing an arm behind her on the back of the seat.

‘Hey’ the man said, his voice vaguely familiar.

‘Neal! What are you doing here?’ she blurted out as she caught sight of him.

He shrugged innocently. ‘I just thought you might appreciate some company while you wait.’

She smiled back; seeing a familiar face in this cold and sterile environment was certainly a welcome sight.

‘How are you doing?’ he asked, a formality considering her disheveled appearance.

It was her turn to shrug demurely.

‘So, how long is this test?’

‘About half an hour’ she said.

‘Just enough time for me to whisk you away for a cup of coffee, then’ said Neal as he stood putting out his hand for her.

She could see he wasn’t going to take no for an answer so she nodded and stood, following him away from the dreariness of the waiting room towards the busy cafeteria from where they could hear chatter all the way down the hallway.

Once they were sitting across from each other, coffee in hand, Elizabeth looked up at Neal and he immediately spotted the anguish in her eyes.

‘Neal, how did you do it?’ she asked, barely keeping it together.

Neal thought back to those dark days and shook his head. ‘To be honest, El, I’m not sure how I got through it’ he admitted. ‘In the very beginning, we just held on to each other in desperation mostly, but when the time came for Sara to start her treatments, she began to shut me out. She didn’t talk to me, she didn’t let me touch her and ... what I wanted more than anything was for her to know she wasn’t alone.’

‘Why would she do something like that?’

‘Have you _met_ my wife?’ Neal asked, head cocked to one side.

Elizabeth gave him a small smile in response.

‘Years later she admitted she’d been too afraid she’d fall apart if she let me in. Putting up that wall was what she needed to do to get through it.’

Elizabeth listened as Neal spoke, silently drawing parallels with Peter, strong, resilient Peter who took care of everybody else but never dwelled on himself.

Neal continued, a distant look in his eyes as he flashed back to darker days. ’You and Peter helped a lot. I remember spending a lot of time over at your place, knowing I had a safe place to talk about my feelings. I even went to a support group at the cancer clinic, something I thought I’d never do. It helped to know there were others feeling just as scared and helpless as I did.’

‘But you broke through to her in the end’ Elizabeth said, recalling that period of their lives.

‘Not really but one of the women from chemo helped her realize it was silly not to let me in’ he said, his voice quiet,

‘Janet’ Elizabeth said as she recalled the courageous woman who’d lost her battle with cancer.

‘Yeah, Janet’ Neal recalled, his voice sad. ‘She somehow managed to convince Sara that she was only hurting herself by not opening up to me. But it took a long time and those weeks were horrible.’

‘I remember’ El said quietly.

‘El, you and I, we find it easy to open up about our feelings but it’s _not_ easy for someone like Peter - or Sara. Peter’s used to taking care of _you_ and he’s probably struggling with letting you see any weakness in him. But, I’m pretty sure he’s scared and you need to accept that you might not be the one he turns to in order to share that fear.’

Sara had confided in Janet not Neal when she’d been scared and he recalled that when he’d been terrified just before her surgery, it was Peter who’d helped pick up the pieces. Elizabeth needed to know there was a difference between being there for her husband if and when he chose to open up and accepting the fact that he might turn to someone else in order not to worry her. She also needed someone _she_ could confide her fears and apprehensions to and Neal hoped that he might be that person.... 

He realized that was not necessarily what she wanted to hear but he felt he owed her his honest take on the situation and he watched as she took in his words, reaching out to take her hand in his.

‘Will _you_ try to reach out to him? Please?’ she asked, tears running down her face.

He nodded and squeezed her hand.

WCWCWC

Another week was behind them and Sara’s nasty first trimester symptoms were slowly beginning to dissipate. As she approached week twelve, the morning sickness had begun to subside although she was definitely starting to feel snug in her regular clothing. She’d given away all her maternity clothes and she realized she would have to go on a shopping spree very soon.

As her waist thickened, her baby bump began to protrude and Neal became more and more fascinated, running his hands around the edges of her belly as they lay in bed at night. He was really excited about the upcoming ultrasound, eager to find out the baby’s sex among other things. Sara, on the other hand, was focussed on just getting through another day with the limited amount of energy at her disposal.

‘Hey, sweet baby’ Neal whispered to Sara’s belly as he lay in bed, kissing her baby bump.

Sara giggled. He was notorious for talking and singing to the baby each time she’d been pregnant. He would often sing lullabies at bedtime or sometimes, show tunes in the mornings and it inevitably made her smile. Despite the many discomforts associated with pregnancy, watching Neal react to her changing body was one of the perks about her condition. He’d always loved her pregnant, found her more vibrant and more alive and definitely sexier – even more so as her belly continued to expand during the last few weeks. 

‘Get up here’ she urged, laughing as she pulled Neal up to lay his head on the pillow next to hers.

He did as he was told, a huge smile on his face as he took in the glow on hers. This pregnancy made him feel young and alive and he was surprised to find he was enjoying every single minute of it. He briefly thought back to his reaction when Sara had broken the news, realizing how ridiculous he must have sounded – now that he was focussed on the present instead of twenty years down the road, he couldn’t be happier.

‘So, did Dr. Cooper schedule the ultrasound?’

‘Wednesday. Can you get away?’ she asked.

‘Of course’ he replied as he continued to smile that ridiculous smile.

Sara ran her hand gently through his tousled hair, Neal looking so much younger as his hair went rogue after a long day.

‘Look what I found downstairs on the kitchen counter’ she said as she reached over to grab what looked like a brochure from the bedside table.

Neal took it from her, frowning as he tried to make out what it was without the benefit of his reading glasses. He gave up and grabbed the pair he always kept by the bedside, silently cursing the passing of years and its inevitable effect on his eyesight.

‘Kempt and Sons Renovations?’ he read, confused.‘What the hell...’

‘It’s a $75,000 gift certificate for home renovations’ she said pointing to the documentation attached to the brochure.

‘Mozzie...’ he said, under his breath.

‘That’s what I figure’ echoed Sara. ‘It was just sitting there when I walked in.’

Neal’s smile grew as he realized this was Mozzie’s way of thanking him for providing him with a replacement for the Pollock. Mozzie hated public displays of affection and Neal knew that if he even so much as thanked him for this kind gesture, Mozzie would scoff and tell him there was no need. 

Shortly after their wedding, Neal had purged himself of most of his ill-gotten goods. It had felt good to walk away from all the ‘stuff’ he’d accumulated over the years. When the anklet had come off, he’d wanted nothing less than a clean break and he’d returned some of his treasures to Sterling Bosch via Sara and given the rest to Mozzie who’d assured him he would always have his back.

Mozzie knew that, these days, Neal was living on the straight and narrow and that every single penny he set aside towards his dream of owning a gallery was being earned honestly. Liam had spilled the beans to his godfather that they would be renovating the loft for Hope to move into and it didn’t take much for Mozzie to put two and two together. He knew that, with both their incomes, Neal and Sara could certainly provide for their family but any extras like Neal’s dream of owning an art gallery would come at the price of other more pressing priorities. He also knew his friend would never accept cash from him so he’d researched some architectural firms and paid up front for any renovations to the house – his way of showing his gratitude for Neal’s undying loyalty.

‘I guess there’s no point in trying to turn him down’ Neal said as he continued to stare at the paperwork in front of his eyes.

‘You know Mozzie’ agreed Sara. ’He won’t want you making a big deal about this.’

‘Wow, you know I was perfectly resigned to having to use our nest egg for the renovations....’ he began as he turned to look at his wife. ‘This seems like having my cake and eating it too....’

‘You’re a good man, Neal Caffrey’ she said. ‘Just let Mozzie thank you the only way he knows how.’

Neal nodded in agreement and pulled her in, locking her in his arms. What more could a man possibly want but a wonderful wife, fantastic kids, a baby on the way and friends like Peter, Elizabeth and Mozzie. 

Life was just too good to be true.

TBC


	14. Chapter 14

‘Did you get a follow-up date for an appointment with the specialist?’ Neal asked.

‘Yeah, day after tomorrow’ Peter replied as he took a long, slow pull of his beer.

Neal had surprised him at the end of the work day and had suggested they go out for a drink before dinner. Peter was happy to see his buddy and had readily agreed; these days, it was easier to have a little space between himself and his wife.

‘So how are you coping with everything?’ Neal asked, an honest question begging for an honest answer.

Peter shrugged. ’You know… trying to keep things in perspective.’

Neal studied his best friend’s body language noticing the strain on his face, the way he held himself more tense than usual. He waited a beat before talking.

‘There are worse things in life than a stage II prostate cancer diagnosis’ Peter added when Neal didn’t say anything.

‘That’s true’ agreed Neal. ‘But none of those things are happening to _you_ right now. This is.’

Peter smiled that _‘you got me smile’_ he sometimes got when Neal could see right through him.

‘Look Neal. You guys have been through so much worse with Sara....’ he said, letting his voice trail.

‘It’s not a competition, Peter. Whatever you’re going through is very real and very scary.’

Peter nodded in agreement. ‘Mostly, I worry about El’ he finally admitted. ‘She’s not coping very well and I just want to put on a brave face so she’ll see there’s nothing to be afraid of.’

‘That sounds like the Peter Burke we all know and love’ Neal quipped with a playful smile.

‘I’m just not sure what she wants from me’ Peter admitted as he took another sip.

‘It’s not about what El wants, Peter.... it’s just ... what do _you_ want?’

Peter let out a sardonic laugh. ‘Well, to be honest, I’d just as soon ignore the whole thing and get on with my life.’

Neal gave him a shoulder shrug – all very nice but not very practical.

‘Remember when Sara got sick, she got all strong and silent on me... Apart from being terrified I was going to lose her, that was probably the hardest thing I had to deal with – her pushing me away’ Neal confided.

‘It’s not that I want to _push_ El away exactly... I just don’t want to fall into that... you know, _‘woe is me’_ kind of mindset. I want to stay upbeat.’

‘Have you told her that?’

Peter stared at Neal intensely. He hated how this guy never stopped digging until he got what he wanted.

‘No...’ he began.

Neal knew when to shut up and he let the silence hang in the air for a moment while Peter formulated the rest of his response to his question.

‘What? You think I should tell her how I’m feeling?’

‘That’s up to you. All I know is you have to keep talking in a marriage’ Neal said.

‘Oh, now that’s a first. The great Neal Caffrey giving _me_ advice on marriage?’ Peter said, a tone of condescension in his voice.

‘Take it or leave it, buddy. I just know how I felt and I suspect El is feeling the same way. But hey, you’ve been married twice as long as I have so I defer to you’ Neal added as he sipped on his glass of wine.

He left it at that - he figured he’d pushed hard enough. After all those years of being in Peter Burke’s orbit, Neal knew how the man’s mind worked. He would let him work things out for himself and hope that some of Neal’s words would make their way into his stubborn psyche.

WCWCWC

‘Hi, sorry I’m late. I had trouble getting a cab’ Neal said breathlessly as he arrived in the waiting room of the prenatal clinic.

‘It’s okay, they’re running late’ said Sara as she accepted the peck Neal placed on her cheek.

‘I was afraid I was going to miss the show’ he said, a wide grin on his face.

Sara smiled back but something was not quite right and Neal knew it immediately.

‘What? What’s going on?’

‘Nothing.’

He glared at her. No way he was leaving it alone. ‘Babe, it’s me…’

She relented. 'It’s just... I’m having a little bit of spotting, that’s all’ she admitted as she averted his eyes.

‘Spotting? Why didn’t you call and tell me?’ he said, anxiety rising in his chest.

‘I just did, Neal. It only started this morning’ she said giving him ‘the’ look.

‘Sara Ellis!’ the receptionist called out before Neal could respond.

They followed the woman to one of the examination rooms and Sara was instructed to change into a gown while Neal waited just outside the room. Stupid hospital rules – like he hadn’t seen his wife naked millions of times before, he grumbled as he paced outside the room.

He was finally beckoned in and within minutes, the technician arrived rolling the ultrasound machine in behind her. Neal looked anxiously at his wife, lying there on the cold examination table and took her hand in his as the woman began to get things organized.

‘Is this your first ultrasound?’ she asked Sara.

‘No’ she replied. ‘I’ve had several… two other babies.’

‘All right then, let’s have a look at this little one’ the woman said, a kind smile on her face.

‘So this is week 12?’ she confirmed.

‘Yeah, just over’ Sara said as the technician proceeded to put some of that awful, cold gel on her abdomen.

‘I’ve had a bit of spotting, just this morning’ she admitted.

Neal had been biting his tongue, waiting for Sara to mention that fact and he looked carefully at the tech’s face as she reacted to what Sara had just said.

‘Well, that’s not terribly unusual’ she said matter of factly as she began to run the probe gently over Sara’s small baby bump.

Neal’s eyes were riveted on the screen. Sara had had ultrasounds for all her pregnancies and he never ceased to be amazed at what was revealed during the routine test.

‘There…’ said the technician as she began to take some measurements. ‘Looks like normal growth.'

Neal looked on in wonder, squeezing Sara’s hand as he took in the amazing spectacle.

‘There’s the head, arms, feet, heart...’ the technician pointed to the screen as she spoke.

‘How does everything look?’ Neal asked, unable to hold his tongue any longer.

‘Well, the heart rate is a little sluggish but that could be because the baby’s sleeping’ she replied, not a satisfactory answer as far as Neal was concerned.

‘I don’t see anything unusual, per se, but considering the heart rate and the spotting, I would recommend you see your doctor as soon as possible, just to be sure’ she recommended.

‘I’m seeing her the day after tomorrow’ Sara said.

‘Well, then I suggest you rest in the meantime, just to be on the safe side and you two can have a full discussion when you meet up.’

Sara and Neal exchanged looks and Sara could see those worry lines appearing on his forehead.

‘But try not to worry’ the technician concluded. ‘This is all still within normal parameters.’ 

‘So, did you want to know the sex of the baby?’ she added with a smile.

Neal’s frown disappeared momentarily and Sara could see excitement in his eyes as he nodded enthusiastically.

‘It’s a little girl!’ she said pointing to the genitals.

Neal’s small smile grew and Sara couldn’t help but smile herself. He was going to be insufferable with another little girl – especially at his age.

The drive home was interminable as Neal spoke non-stop, alternating between his expectations that Sara heed the technician’s advice and rest for a couple of days and his litany of names for the baby, as he gushed about having another little girl.

‘What about Hannah?’ he said excitedly, his eighth suggestion since they’d left the clinic.

‘Neal, we go through this every time. Wait until we get closer to the end. With both the kids, we didn’t decide until they were born’ Sara reminded him.

‘I know… but we have to be ready with a short list’ he said, his voice full of enthusiasm.

‘Tell you what, I totally trust you to come up with a short list and then we can talk about it, how’s that?’ she finally conceded in order to bring an end to the unending discussion. 

Her head was swimming with all of Neal’s suggestions and she couldn’t think straight. Plus, her mind was more focussed on all the work that wouldn’t get done at the office if she stayed home for a couple of days. She pushed the thought away; the most important thing was to keep this baby safe and if that meant sitting around the house for a couple of days, so be it.

Neal droned on....

‘Or Emma – I’ve always liked that name....’

WCWCWC

Neal was actually humming as he worked in the kitchen preparing dinner. He’d dispatched Sara up to their bedroom for a short nap before dinner and he kept glancing at the picture of the ultrasound they’d been given at the end of their appointment. He’d propped up the image against the cookie jar so he could look at it while he worked and he was in the throes of the second verse of some Stevie Wonder song when the front door opened and he heard Mozzie’s familiar voice coming from the front of the house.

‘Neal!’ he called out.

‘In here Moz’ he replied as the man appeared. ‘Keep your voice down. Sara’s having a nap.’

‘Oops, sorry!’ said Mozzie as he made his way to the kitchen, reaching around Neal to grab for an already opened bottle of Shiraz and a glass from the cupboard he was more than familiar with.

He grimaced as he looked at the label. ‘You know Neal, since you’ve moved to the suburbs, your wine selection has really gone downhill.’

Neal looked back with a sneer. ’You’re more than welcome to bring a bottle with you next time you visit, Moz’ he said.

‘So, how did it go with Berlinger?’ he added, taking a sip from his own glass of wine.

‘It went...’ Mozzie answered, relief flooding him. ‘I hope I never cross paths with the guy again.’

‘So the merchandise was up to snuff?’ Neal asked, fishing for a compliment as to the excellent work he’d done.

‘He didn’t crack a smile or anything but he was totally satisfied he was holding the real thing in his hands’ said Mozzie. ‘You know, Neal, it’s just an awful waste of talent...’

Neal raised his hand to interrupt. Although he’d been on the up and up for over a dozen years, Mozzie never missed an opportunity to try to tempt his ex-partner down the road to transgression despite the fact Neal’s answer was always the same. 

‘Don’t even bother Moz’ he said as he kept cutting up vegetables and placing them in a bowl for a salad.

Mozzie spotted the ultrasound on the kitchen counter and picked it up, examining it.

‘So, is this your latest progeny?’ he asked with just the right amount of disdain for the boring, domestic life Neal was living.

‘Meet my baby daughter, Moz’ Neal replied proudly. ’And don’t spill any wine on that!’

‘Mmmm’ said Mozzie, trying his best to sound unimpressed. In truth, he loved Neal’s kids and he was the best kind of uncle, a child himself, always up for fun where the kids were concerned.

‘So, listen’ Neal said, a little embarrassed. ‘I think you might have left something here the other night’ he said, pointing to the brochure from the architectural firm which lay on the kitchen counter.

Mozzie looked briefly over to what Neal was pointing at and let out a scoff. ‘That’s not mine’ he answered dismissively.

The brief exchange which loosely translated meant _‘Thank you very much for the generous gift, Mozzie’ and ‘You’re very welcome Neal’_ was quickly forgotten as Neal moved on to the next topic.

‘Can I interest you in staying for dinner?’ Neal asked his old friend.

‘Thought you’d never ask’ Mozzie replied as he raised his glass.

TBC


	15. Chapter 15

‘You sure?’ Neal was saying.

‘Geesh!’ Sara replied, an impatient edge to her voice. ‘Yes Neal, I’m sure!’

‘And if you don’t feel well, call me and I’ll come straight home’ he reminded her again, arms snug around her waist as he stared into her eyes.

‘Neal, I’m fine. Please stop doting!’ she said, just plain embarrassed by all the unwanted attention.

‘Dad, are you still dropping us off at school?’ asked Hope as she ran down the stairs, gawking at her parents who were standing by the front door, their bodies pressed against each other.

‘Yes, I am _if_ you’re ready to leave now’ Neal answered, finally pulling away from Sara and leaning over the banister. ‘Liam, let’s go!’ he called out.

He gave Sara one last longing look, a mixture of concern, fondness and devotion and he made his way to the kitchen to grab his suit jacket and his briefcase. Sara let out a long-suffering sigh. The appointment with Dr. Cooper was the next day at three and she knew that between now and then, she would have to put up with ‘extra-doting’ Neal. 

After the usual kerfuffle as everyone located their school bags and lunches, they were finally out the door, Sara waving them off and finally making her way to the kitchen to grab a cup of coffee. She glanced at the newspaper and the novels Neal had pulled out for her consideration and she opted instead for the couch, choosing to watch the early morning news on television. 

It was going to be a long day.

WCWCWC

Elizabeth Burke sat in her small office, working on Burke’s Premier Events’ end of the month financial statement, a task she hated more than any other. She could hear some of her staff chatting in the other room, noise that was not helping with her concentration in the least. Amongst the chatter of the women employed by the small firm, she recognized the low droning of a male voice and her ears perked up. She wasn’t expecting any clients until later in the afternoon and the only regular male visitor to the office was Gus, who did the cleaning – but he didn’t show up until much later in the day.She had just put down her pen and was following the garbled voices out into the open space when she walked right into Peter Burke, looking very dapper in his suit and tie.

‘Honey, what are you doing here?’ asked a surprised Elizabeth.

‘Can’t a guy come and surprise his wife for lunch?’

‘Yeah... of course.I just... I wasn’t expecting you, that’s all’ she said, a mixture of concern and delight in her eyes.

Maybe Peter had some more bad news, she thought, instantly shooing the notion away. Whatever his motivation, it was great to see her husband unexpectedly in the middle of a workday. He had even made a reservation at a nearby café that Elizabeth was particularly fond – lunch out with your spouse on a weekday versus toiling away at a financial statement, no contest. 

Whatever the reason, El was pleased to be spending some one on one time with Peter. They hadn’t been connecting much lately and she hoped this was the beginning of a rapprochement of sorts. She gave him a warm smile as she happily took his outstretched hand in hers.

‘Ready?’ he asked.

‘Yeah!’ she replied with unbridled enthusiasm.

They made their way down the streets of Manhattan, hand in hand, taking in the sunshine and the warm autumn breeze.

WCWCWC

Sara was bored. Not just bored but BORED. She was a woman of action and having to sit around doing nothing all day was driving her crazy. She was thankful for small wonders; at least Neal hadn’t stayed home like he’d begged her let him do. The last thing she needed was him hovering over her, something he had a tendency to do at the best of times, let alone if she was under the weather or pregnant, God forbid. He’d been wearing an ear to ear grin ever since the day before and he’d already compiled a list of his top six names for their baby daughter, a list he’d read several times to her before they’d gone to sleep the night before. 

He’d already called four times and she had indulged him by answering the phone each and every time although the last time, she had barely contained an urge to throw the phone across the room. Truth was, she felt fine and she didn’t understand why she had to lay low when she had so much work to do at the office. She sat in their family room, reading through her work e-mails, trying to do all she could from home, but there wasn’t much else that could be done at a distance and after about an hour or so, she gave up, grabbing for the television’s clicker and heading straight for the Food Network.Although Sara hated to cook, she _loved_ to eat and she loved to watch cooking shows, discovering new recipes she could con Neal into trying for the family. She checked the clock – four twenty – Hope would be home from school soon. She remembered that Liam had a basketball practice and that Neal was scheduled to pick him up on the way home. It would be well past five thirty before they could get a start on dinner. 

The Barefoot Contessa was toiling away in her TV kitchen, working on a beautiful summer salad and Sara began a mental inventory of what they had in their fridge. At first blush, she realized they had most of the ingredients that were required. Maybe she could make a start on dinner; it certainly beat sitting around waiting for everyone to get home. She felt a twinge in the pit of her belly, reminding her that she needed to move slowly and she got to her feet, walking towards the island which separated the kitchen from the family room. She took out some knives and a large bowl and was on her way to the refrigerator to check things out when the slight discomfort grew into something more, a sharp stabbing pain from the bottom of her abdomen all the way through to her lower back.

She made a gasping sound as it began to dawn on her that she might be in trouble, the realization hitting her just as she felt a sudden wetness between her legs. She instinctively brought her hand to the bottom of her belly were the pain was escalating, noticing drops of blood by her feet and she let out a pained moan, sounding like a wounded animal. 

‘Shit’ she said out loud to no one.

‘No, this can’t be happening’ she murmured under her breath as she reached for the phone, a few feet away on the kitchen counter. The movement proved too much as an even more crippling pain cut off her breathing and she made a whimpering sound that scared even herself. Her legs began to shake and she made one last ditch effort to reach for the phone as her legs gave out and she slowly began to crumple to the floor, right up against the refrigerator, sliding down the smooth stainless steel surface as if in slow motion. In that moment, she knew that if she fell, she would not have the strength to get back up again and she let out a guttural sound as all the breath was expelled from her lungs.

The Barefoot Contessa droned on in the background as Sara let out a quiet moan.

WCWCWC

Neal checked his watch. It was barely four o’clock but he’d had enough for the day. He hated to think of Sara, home alone in her present condition. Although the technician at the prenatal clinic had seemed pretty laid back about the spotting Sara was experiencing, it didn’t sit well with him and he was looking forward to their scheduled appointment with Dr. Cooper the next day. Sara had a tendency to make light of things but he’d done a lot of research on late onset pregnancy and he knew that although his wife was a very healthy forty-three-year-old woman, she was still a forty-three-year-old woman and her pregnancy was considered high risk. 

‘Joyce, I’m calling it a day’ he said to his assistant as he breezed by on the way to the train.

‘Have a good night!’ she replied, waving her boss off.

Typically, Neal took the 4:40 or 4:50 train and was usually at the White Plains Park and Ride a little over thirty minutes later but on this day, he wanted to check in on Sara before making his way to pick up Liam at school. He arrived at the Manhattan station just in time for the 4:10 train, running the last few steps to catch the shuttle before settling in with his copy of the New York Times. He considered calling home one last time, but Sara had sounded like she was ready to throttle him when he’d last called so he thought better of it, settling in to read an article on upcoming gallery openings instead.He’d be home in no time.

WCWCWC

‘You want to come over and study for the science test?’ asked Olivia Mason as she and Hope ambled down Meadowbrook Street.

‘Sure, let me just get out of these clothes and I’ll be right over’ Hope said as they parted ways in front of the Mason home.

It was always easier to work with a study partner and Olivia was infinitely better at math and science than Hope would ever be. Hope sauntered home, waving to Mrs. Jennings from across the street who was watering her garden on this early fall day. Since the school year had begun a few weeks earlier, Hope had gotten permission to come home on her own. After all, she was almost thirteen years old and she always walked home with Olivia. The fact that Donna Mason was a stay-at-home mom was reassuring for Neal and Sara and they knew that if Hope had any problem whatsoever she could always turn to her best friend’s mom for help. Hope took out her key as she prepared to enter the house. She loved the feeling of independence of having her own key although it did come with responsibilities such as making sure the door was locked when she left and always letting her parents know where she was headed if she left the house. 

The door opened and Hope threw her school bag on the floor by the front door, something her mom always nagged her about doing. Oh well, what she didn’t know wouldn’t hurt her. Hope had taken the first few steps up the staircase on the way to her room when she heard a small lamenting sound. It was definitely coming from inside the house and Hope stood up straight as she began to compute the possibilities. She let out a relieved breath as she recalled that her mom had stayed home from work.

‘Mom!’ she called out as she continued the climb up to her room. ‘I’m home!’

The moaning sound was heard again, this time a little louder and she stopped dead in her tracks. It was coming from the back of the house.

‘Moooom!’ she repeated loudly.

‘Hope!’ she heard coming from the kitchen, a soft, plaintive voice.

She turned back, running down the few steps and heading for the kitchen.

‘Mom, where are you?’ she called out as she walked into the kitchen, finding Sara nowhere in sight. She took a few tentative steps, following the sound of laboured breathing and spotted her, lying on the floor, blood beginning to pool around her.

‘MOM!’ she screamed as she ran over to her. ‘What happened?’

Sara’s eyes were vacant and upon touching her mom’s hand, Hope immediately realized her skin was cold and clammy, her breathing uneven.

‘Mom, I’m calling an ambulance’ she said as she made a grab for the phone.

‘No, no, no, no, no, no’ cried Sara as she lay there in shock, rocking back and forth and holding her stomach. ‘I want your dad’ she said, her voice barely recognizable.

Hope made a split second decision as she crouched down by her mom’s side and dialled the phone.

‘Hey Sara!’ came her dad’s voice, upbeat. ‘Let me guess, you want me to pick something up for dinner.’

‘Daddy!’ Hope gasped, her voice unsteady.

‘Hope? What’s wrong?’ he asked, as he stopped walking momentarily, standing totally still in the park and ride parking lot. He could see the family car off in the distance and felt a chill down his spine at the sound of his daughter’s distraught voice.

‘Dad, something’s wrong with Mom. She’s lying on the floor and she’s bleeding. I think she needs an ambulance but she doesn’t want me to call one’ she said, barely taking a breath. ‘She wants you.’

Neal computed the possibilities but it didn’t take a rocket scientist to figure out what was likely going on.

‘Is she conscious?’ he asked, alarmed.

‘Yes, but she’s not making any sense’ said Hope, her voice shaking, trying her best not to fall apart.

‘Honey, I’m already at the park and ride. I can be there in less than ten minutes. Just sit with her and keep her calm. I’m calling for an ambulance right now. They may get there before me’ his said, his voice rough and uneven as he ran towards the car, unlocking it at a distance as he got closer.

‘Hurry Daddy!’ said Hope as she looked down at her unresponsive mom.

She suddenly flashed back to the first aid course she and her classmates had taken at school the year before. She remembered the instructor mentioning that shock was often a factor with an injury or accident and she momentarily left her weeping mom to run to the family room, grabbing the blanket that lay there for cuddling while they watched television. She covered her mom with it and settled in beside her, taking her hand.

Sara grabbed for Hope’s blouse, pulling her in as if she were a buoy that could keep her from imminent drowning. 

‘It’s okay, mom. I’m here’ the young girl said, her voice suddenly strong.

TBC


	16. Chapter 16

‘I know this has been rough on you El’ Peter said, clutching his wife’s hand in his.

They had just ordered their meal and were waiting as they sat, surrounded by the buzz of restaurant patrons around them. Lunch in _any_ Manhattan eatery on any given weekday was a busy affair as everyone tried to get in and out as quickly as possible and Peter had called ahead for a table away from the large groups that tended to coalesce for office get-togethers. He wanted to have a heart to heart with his wife. He’d given his conversation with Neal a lot of thought and he’d realized that his ex-CI had some valuable insight into how Elizabeth might be feeling, after all, his wife and his best friend had a lot in common. They were both warm, caring, nurturing individuals and it would be hell for a person like that to be kept at arm’s length when someone they loved was suffering. Peter didn’t want El to worry needlessly but he’d finally come to the realization that keeping his wife out of the loop as to his feelings was having the opposite effect and causing her to be even more anxious.

‘I just want what’s best for you, honey’ Elizabeth responded as she gazed into his eyes.

‘I know that’ Peter acknowledged. ‘... and I shouldn’t have shut you out like I did.’

‘I’m just scared, Peter... and if you don’t let me know how _you’re_ feeling, I’m not sure how I can help you’ she said, squeezing his hand.

‘That’s just it, El. I’m still working stuff out for myself and I hate having to worry about you as well.’

‘ _Don’t_ worry about me. I’m here for _you_. Please! Honey, let me be here for you – that’s all I want’ said Elizabeth, with sudden clarity.

Peter nodded and she thought she saw a soft gleam in his eyes as he looked away, suddenly embarrassed.

‘Honey’ El added. ‘You and I can face anything if we do it together. I’m not going to fall apart, I’m stronger than you give me credit for.’

Peter looked at his beautiful wife; she had indeed been there, steadfast by his side for almost twenty-five years, through thick and thin. He took a deep breath.

‘Okay then. We do this together’ he said, a tentative smile on his face.

WCWCWC

‘I need an ambulance at 4788 Meadowbrook Street in White Plains’ Neal was shouting into his phone, his other hand white knuckled on the steering wheel. ‘I think my wife’s having a miscarriage and she’s in shock.’

He waited as the dispatcher asked him a few questions, finally answering as to whether Sara was alone.

‘Our twelve-year-old daughter is with her right now and I’ll be there in the next five minutes’ he said, wondering just how he was managing to keep it together without falling apart himself.

He hung up and tried Mozzie’s number, reaching him on the first try. He needed his buddy to come over and stay with the kids while he went with Sara to the hospital. Despite his distraught state, he was in solution mode, anticipating what might be waiting for him when he got home. Sara was his number one priority but he also had to make sure the kids were safe while he dealt with his wife’s more immediate needs. 

He swallowed hard, realizing that Sara was likely miscarrying their precious daughter and he pushed the thought away. He couldn’t think of the loss for the time being. He needed to get Sara to the hospital and taken care of, the rest would come later.

Suddenly, a car he’d just cut off honked at him, bringing him back to reality as he finally entered their neighbourhood, pedal to the metal.

WCWCWC

The front door flew open and Neal ran to the back of the house, finding his wife and daughter huddled on the floor together. Sara was barely recognizable, her skin pale, her eyes unfocussed as she kept rocking back and forth, her body shaking violently. She had a monster grip on Hope’s blouse, clutching it in her hands although she only seemed vaguely aware her daughter was there, by her side. 

Upon seeing her dad, Hope tore herself from her mom’s clutches and stood, looking into his eyes and finally letting herself show some emotion as her eyes filled with tears. Neal touched her shoulder briefly and turned his attention to Sara who was still whimpering incoherently.

‘Honey, I need you to run upstairs and get some towels and some clothes for your mom. Just sweats, okay?’ he said as he briefly touched Hope’s hair.

He crouched down, staring at his wife, her body trembling and her skin sallow. She seemed to become aware he was there and she grabbed resolutely at his suit jacket, pulling him closer.

‘Neal…’ she sobbed, despondent.

‘It’s okay, I’m here honey, I’m here’ he said as he attempted to bring his arm around her back to get her to sit up slightly. 

She felt like a rag doll, her body limp and he wondered how long she’d been lying there before Hope had made it home. He managed to prop her up against the refrigerator as he brought his arm around her, nestling her body against his and with a thud, he let himself fall into a sitting position next to her.She was obviously in shock and now that she’d gotten a hold of his jacket, she became adamant that she wasn’t letting him out of her grasp as she continued to whimper.

‘Honey, there’s an ambulance coming...’ he whispered, his voice soft and reassuring.

‘Neal, no, no, no,’ she cried. ‘Don’t want an ambulance.’

‘Babe, it’s okay, it’s okay. I’m here with you, I’ll be here with you the whole time’ he said, trying his best to keep his voice steady.

‘Nooooo’ she continued, sobbing inconsolably.

For a moment, their eyes met and although seconds before she had been totally incoherent, they connected briefly and he could see the total desolation on her face as she spoke.

‘I lost her Neal’ she whispered, suddenly lucid. ‘I lost the baby.’

‘Shhh, it’s okay’ he murmured as he ran his hand through her hair. ‘It’s okay. Everything’s gonna be okay.’

Whatever sadness he might be feeling at the loss of the baby had to take a back seat to his more immediate concern for Sara, _his_ Sara whom he barely recognized as she clung to him for dear life. He needed to get her some help and quick. Her breathing was shallow and rapid and Neal had seen enough people in shock to know that the condition required immediate medical attention. He pulled the blanket tightly around her and silently cursed that the ambulance was taking so long.

He heard footsteps and Hope reappeared with towels and a change of clothing but Neal wasn’t at all sure that Sara would cooperate or that she was even capable of following instructions. He tried to re-establish some connection between them by kneeling in front of her and making eye contact but Sara just kept hanging on to his coat lapel as if her life depended on it.

‘Sara…’ he said, staring into her eyes. ‘Honey, do you think you could put your arms around my neck so I can help you up?’

If only he could get her off the cold floor and onto the nearby couch but whatever lucid conversation she’d been able to carry on a moment earlier was now impossible as she stared back with an emptylook in her eyes.

Before he could try again, the front door flew open and the sound of a gurney being dragged over the wood floor was heard, clanging as it went.

The EMTs, a man and a woman, appeared ready to spring into action.

‘What do we have here?’ the young woman asked.

‘I think she’s having a miscarriage’ Neal said, his voice surprisingly strong.

The paramedics got closer but Sara was having nothing to do with them, her eyes still transfixed on Neal as she continued to claw at his clothing. He was torn between giving the EMTs some space and remaining next to her. To her credit, the young woman immediately spotted the signs of shock and she maneuvered to the other side of Sara, allowing her to keep clutching Neal’s jacket which, at the moment, seemed like the only thing that was keeping her from totally losing it.

‘What’s her name?’ the man asked, looking at Neal.

‘Sara’ he said. ‘She’s been having some spotting the last couple of days. My daughter found her like this about…’

‘About twenty minutes ago’ Hope added with a trembling voice.

‘Are you her husband?’ asked the paramedic as she began to remove the blanket from Sara’s shaking body so she could better assess what she was dealing with.

Neal nodded as he took in the state of his wife. There was blood on the floor, some clear, some clotted and the second paramedic began to prepare the gurney with towels and sheets. They needed to lift her onto the make-shift bed but Sara was not being cooperative as she continued with her plaintive refrain, repeating Neal’s name and nothing else.

‘She’s in shock’ the young woman said. ‘Do you want to see if she’ll let you help her up?’ she added, looking at Neal.

He leaned in, trying his best to get her attention. ’Sara… sweetheart, look at me’ he said as calmly as he could muster. They needed to get her to the hospital as soon as possible. Who knew how long she’d been lying there and with every passing moment, she seemed more and more confused.

She looked at him or through him as he continued to speak calmly. He took one of her hands, placing it around his neck as it fell away listlessly. ‘Honey, put your arms around my neck, okay?’ he repeated.

The sound of his voice appeared to soothe her and she momentarily let go of his coat jacket which she’d been clutching since he’d arrived. He leaned in closer and she wrapped her arms snugly around his neck, holding on tightly as he positioned himself to get better leverage. One of the EMT’s stood behind her, ready to help, as Neal slowly rose with Sara hanging off his neck like some lifeless rag doll. Her legs were unable to hold her up and as soon as she was in a vertical position, he swung his arm under her legs, lifting her up as the paramedics brought the gurney as close as possible. 

Sara continued to sob, her breathing uneven as she returned to clutching Neal’s coat jacket like before, giving him very little room to move. He brought his shaking hands to hers, urging her to grab those instead of his jacket so that he could walk alongside the gurney. She finally relented, her eyes closing for the first time since he’d gotten there and she seemed to relax as they began the short trek to the hospital.

Neal looked back, suddenly remembering that Hope was still standing there, herself in shock at having found her mom in such a desolate state. Although torn, he knew his place was with Sara and that Hope would have to cope until he could make certain Sara was safe.

‘Honey, Uncle Mozzie’s on his way. Are you okay for a few minutes on your own?’ he asked as they all began to move towards the front door.

She nodded but Neal could see that what had just happened was having a profound effect on his daughter and he knew that once Sara had been properly taken care of, he would need to help her deal with the trauma of what she’d just witnessed. 

‘I’ll call as soon as I can’ he yelled back as they manoeuvred through the front door.

Hope stood, paralyzed, as the sound of the door closing echoed in her mind. 

TBC


	17. Chapter 17

‘Hope!’ Mozzie called out as he walked into the house with Liam by his side.

‘Over here’ she replied, her voice shaky.

He walked into the kitchen, spotting her on all fours, scouring the floor with a bunch of bloodied towels nearby. She hadn’t wanted her little brother traumatized when he eventually walked in and she was using towels to wipe up the blood on the kitchen floor. Mozzie took one look at her face, realizing what she was doing and immediately instructed Liam to go upstairs to change his clothes.

‘Hope, here let me finish that’ he said, his voice gentle as he crouched down, taking the towel from her hand.

This was an awful lot for a twelve-year-old to deal with, finding your mom in shock, lying in a pool of blood only to be left alone to deal with the mess that was left behind. Her eyes glistened with tears as she looked up at her uncle Mozzie, her voice unsteady.

‘This is all my fault’ she finally said.

WCWCWC

Neal sat in the waiting room, his face buried in his hands as he tried to regain his composure. The ride to White Plains Hospital had been short and uneventful and Sara had begun to calm down as the paramedics had tended to her in the ambulance. They’d put her on oxygen and fluids and she’d finally let go of Neal’s hand and begun to relax.

Upon arrival, they had forcibly separated them, the triage nurse pointing to the waiting room and instructing Neal to take a seat. A miscarriage at twelve and a half weeks was rather late and as well as the physical ramifications, the medical team had to deal with the effects of the shock Sara had just suffered. Neal had been waiting close to forty-five minutes to return to her side and he was slowly going out of his mind.

Sara was a woman of many faces and he thought he knew them all but the anguish and desperation he’d seen in her eyes just moments before was something he’d never witnessed before, nor did he ever want to see again. She was strong and resilient, unafraid of anything life threw her way. In fact, she was his rock, he who constantly wore his heart on his sleeve. 

He ran his hands through his hair as he recalled her anguished voice telling him their baby was gone. Once again, he pushed the thought aside momentarily; right now, all he wanted was for Sara to be all right. She would be dealing with the physical pain and inevitable changes to her body as well as the emotional loss and he had to be there alongside her to help her heal. 

A disembodied voice pulled him out of his thoughts. ‘Mr. Caffrey, you can come in now.’

WCWCWC

Mozzie took Hope’s arm, pulling her away from the gruesome task of wiping up the floor. He wasn’t much of a touchy-feely guy at the best of times but this required an immediate intervention, something that was not lost on Mozzie. Neal and Sara would eventually have to deal with the fallout but for the time being, he couldn’t let his niece go on thinking she was the cause of what had happened.

Hope let Mozzie pull her to her feet and guide her to the kitchen table where she sat, facing him. She watched as he leaned in, putting his hand on hers.

‘This has nothing to do with you, Hope’ he said gently.

‘Yes it does’ she answered as tears appeared unbidden. ‘I didn’t want Mom and Dad to have another baby.’

‘Oh, so you have supernatural powers now’ Mozzie quipped, hoping she’d see the error of her ways.

Hope laughed through her tears. ‘No, but I’m a horrible person. I gave Mom and Dad such a hard time. I told them I didn’t want a brother or sister and now...’

‘...and now, this terrible thing has happened and it has nothing to do with how you were feeling’ added Mozzie.

‘But I’ve been horrible to Mom...’ she said, the tears flowing freely down her cheeks.

‘Then, you owe her an apology for having been horrible to her but you didn’t make this happen Hope. From what I see, you’ve been nothing but loving and caring to your mom through all this.’

‘I was so scared, Uncle Moz. She was lying there, shaking ... it didn’t even look like Mom. And there was blood everywhere and...’ Hope said, her voice unsteady.

‘And you were there for her. You took care of things until your dad got here. Not everyone could have done what you did Hope’ Mozzie said, trying to get her to look into his eyes.

Despite his kind, reassuring words, Hope wasn’t able to shake the guilt she was feeling and she looked away. Logically, she knew that her actions hadn’t caused this to happen but perhaps if she’d been just a little kinder, a little more understanding and supportive...

Suddenly, Liam appeared, oblivious to what was going on.

‘What’s for dinner?’ he asked.

WCWCWC

Peter made it home in time for dinner. 

Not that this was unheard of but he had to admit that he didn’t make the effort often enough. That was going to change, he resolved, as he parked the car and made his way into the house carrying a bouquet of El’s favourite flowers.

‘Honey, you’re home!’ Elizabeth exclaimed, a mixture of surprise and delight.

‘I decided it’s time I make more of an effort to be home on time for dinner’ said Peter as he gave his wife a sweet kiss and handed over the bouquet.

‘Oh, honey, I _love_ lilies!’ she said with a huge smile on her face.

‘I _do_ listen sometimes, you know’ he said, relieved he’d remembered. Truth was he could never recall if her favourites were lilies or gerberas.

He placed his arms around El’s waist, pulling her into him as she gazed into his eyes, surprised at his uncharacteristic display of affection. He placed a long, lingering kiss on her lips as she hummed in appreciation.

‘I don’t know what’s going on but far be it from me to complain’ she said as she slowly pulled away.

‘What’s going on is that I don’t want to keep anything from you and that I’m sorry I shut you out’ he replied.

‘Honey, that’s all behind us now. Whatever is up ahead, we’ll tackle together. By the way, Dr. Samuels’ office called and he wants to see us the day after tomorrow’ El said, lingering in his arms.

‘All right’ Peter said. ‘But tonight, we don’t talk about that, okay?’

Elizabeth nodded as she slipped back into his arms. ‘Okay’ she agreed.

The phone rang interrupting the moment and she rolled her eyes. Thankfully, it was the land line and not Peter’s cell so she reached over to grab it, slipping out of Peter’s embrace as he fought to hold on to her. She glanced at the caller ID noting it was the Caffrey residence and she picked up wondering why Sara would be calling at dinner time. 

But it wasn’t Sara.

‘Mozzie?’ she said wondering why he was calling from Neal and Sara’s place. ‘What’s wrong?’

WCWCWC

Neal was led down a hallway to a small examination room towards the back of the emergency ward, his legs still unsteady as the adrenaline began to slowly leave his body. He noticed in passing that his hands were trembling and he gave himself a firm head shake to bring himself under control.

‘You can sit with you wife for now. The doctor will be in soon’ said the nurse as she held the door open for him.

The room was small, utilitarian, with a bed and a chair and assorted medical equipment and supplies but very little else. Sara lay with her eyes closed, her face still as pale as the sheet that covered her and she stirred when she heard the door close, seeing Neal appear before her.

‘Hey’ he said as he made his way closer, placing his hand gently on her arm.

Just the sight of him was more than enough of a trigger and Sara started to cry, silently at first, the tears running down her cheeks. Despite the fact she was upset, Neal was relieved to see that she looked more like her old self, her eyes focussed, her breathing regular -no sign of the distraught, unresponsive woman he’d held in his arms a mere hour ago.

‘How are you feeling?’ he asked as he took the seat next to the bed.

‘Like I’m coming out of some weird out of body experience.'

He let his hand linger up and down her arm. ‘That’s the shock… are you in any pain?’

She shook her head and briefly closed her eyes, the tears still running down her face.

Neal exhaled loudly, bringing his hand to rest on her cheek. ’I was so scared’ he blurted out. ‘I was afraid I was going to lose you.’

She smiled through the tears. She could see relief in Neal’s eyes but also pain and grief, the same emotions she was trying to cope with.

‘Neal, I’m so sorry’ she finally uttered.

Since coming to, she’d replayed the events that had led her to the hospital, the few moments she could remember before she’d collapsed, trying to reach for the phone. She couldn’t help but wonder if she could have been more careful, if she could have somehow seen this coming but all she could remember was walking to the fridge then waking up in a hospital bed.

‘Why are you sorry?’ said Neal, tears rising in his eyes despite his resolve to stay strong.

‘Maybe I... I should have...’ she began, not quite sure what she _should_ have done. Neal cut her off, unwilling to let her add guilt to all the emotions she was dealing with.

‘Honey, there’s _nothing_ you could have done. I’m the one... maybe I should have stayed home today.’

‘Stop it’ she said resolutely.

However they ultimately got through this, they would have to do it together, without guilt, blame or recriminations. Neal looked into her bright green eyes, more vivid than usual as they glistened through the tears and he realized this discussion was not the one they should be having. All he wanted right now was to know she was going to be all right.

He nodded in response, giving her a small smile.

‘What did the doctor say?’ he asked, leaning in closer and letting his hand gently caress her cheek.

She shrugged. ’They... cleaned me up’ she said tentatively. ‘And they did an ultrasound. They called Dr. Cooper, she’ll be in to talk to us soon.’

Although they’d both been excited about this baby, Neal had been over the moon. She hadn’t seen him this energized in years and she recalled the night before – was it really just the night before? – as they lay in bed with Neal reciting his list of names, breaking into song on a couple of occasions as his choices inspired him. 

It was hard to lose a baby at any point, but this far along Sara had mistakenly assumed she’d been safe from a miscarriage despite Dr. Cooper’s warnings of odds and percentages. However, the reality was harsh and even though she knew Neal would put on a brave face, underneath he would be devastated and he’d undoubtedly try to shield her from his pain.

‘Sara…’ he said, softly, interrupting her thoughts. ‘I love you so much... I couldn’t bear it if something happened to you.’

She nodded, unable to speak. She knew his love was unconditional and she felt the same way. There was nothing he could ever say or do that would change the way she felt about him and no matter what, they would find a way out of this heartache. Together.

TBC


	18. Chapter 18

Mozzie’s unexpected call had put the kibosh on Peter and El’s plans for a quiet evening at home. As soon as the Burkes heard what had happened to Sara, they knew there was only one place they wanted to be – alongside their best friends. Once Elizabeth found out about the traumatic events and how Hope had been the one to find Sara, she decided they should go their separate ways with Peter heading to the hospital to be with Neal while she went to White Plains to be with their goddaughter.

Peter dropped El off at the Caffrey residence and continued on to the hospital where he arrived to find Neal sitting in the waiting area, head down between his legs, miles away from the noises and activity surrounding him.

‘Neal’ he said quietly as he approached his best friend.

Neal’s head popped up instantly as he heard his name, his eyes red, his hair totally disheveled and he looked up at Peter standing there before him.

‘Peter! What are you doing here?’

‘Mozzie called.’

Neal nodded and took in a long slow breath. 

‘So, what’s happening?’ Peter asked as he placed a reassuring hand on Neal’s back.

Neal ran his hands through his hair and looked at Peter. ’They’re doing a D & C.’

He noticed the puzzled look on Peter’s face and continued It’s… it’s a procedure to clean everything up... so there’s no infection or anything.’

Peter nodded. Talking about women’s stuff was never really comfortable for him but this was Sara, Neal’s Sara and he wanted to understand what was going on so he could be there for his ex CI.

‘How is she?’

Neal shrugged. ‘You know... she went through an awful lot before we got to the hospital.'

Peter had gotten the abridged version from Mozzie but he could tell by looking at Neal that there was a lot more to the story than what he’d been told and he decided to just wait and see if his partner wanted to share some details.

‘Hope found her when she got home from school. She was in shock when I got there’ Neal said, his voice faraway. ‘At first, she didn’t even know I was there. She just kept holding on to me like she was afraid to fall into some big dark hole. Peter, I didn’t even recognize her, she was so lost and afraid.’

‘And what about you? How are _you_?’ Peter asked although the answer was as plain as the nose on Neal’s face.

Neal just took in another long slow breath. ‘I’m just worried about Sara, that’s all. She’s been through so much and I want to be there when she comes to.’

‘And what about _you_?’ Peter repeated. He’d been on the receiving end of Caffrey deflections for over fifteen years and he could spot one a mile away.

Neal shook his head. ‘I can’t think about it too much – I have to be there for Sara.’

‘Nice try, Neal.’

Finally, Neal let his eyes meet Peter’s and they began to fill with tears. ‘I was so happy about this little baby’ he finally admitted, sniffling as he spoke.

Peter Burke put his arm around his friend’s shoulder, rubbing his back and feeling all the tension in Neal just melt away as the tears began to flow. Now that the flood gates were open, Neal was afraid he wouldn’t be able to stop.

‘She felt so real. I could already imagine her, what she would have looked like, her smile...’ Neal said, his voice soft.

‘I know, buddy.’

‘I don’t understand why this had to happen’ Neal added, at a loss for words.

All he knew was that his insides felt like they’d been chewed up and spit out and there was this enormous hole in his heart where just a few hours ago his baby daughter had been.

WCWCWC

The house was quiet when Elizabeth arrived on Meadowbrook Street. Mozzie had fed the kids and he’d taken Liam upstairs to play video games while Hope sat at the kitchen table trying to do homework. The front door opened and Hope looked up expectantly, hoping to see her mom or dad walk in but upon spotting her godmother, the young girl got up and without hesitation, she threw herself into her open arms, sobbing.

Elizabeth just stood there, holding Hope tenderly and running her hand through her hair.

‘Hey, sweetie. It’s okay’ she said soothingly as she placed a gentle kiss on the top of her head.

Hope pulled away, looking up at Elizabeth and her eyes were filled with pain and regret. No matter what Mozzie had told her, she was unable to shake the guilt she was feeling regarding what had happened earlier. El took her hand and they made their way to sit on the couch in the family room as Hope settled in Elizabeth’s arms, crying softly.

‘Honey, none of this is your fault’ said El. She could feel the pain and guilt radiating off Hope and she knew she had to find a way to set her straight.

‘Auntie Elizabeth, I’ve been awful to Mom lately. I didn’t want another baby. I thought our family was just fine the way it was’ Hope admitted, her face muffled against Elizabeth chest.

‘Hope, your mom understands more than you think. You’re twelve years old and you were just being honest about how you were feeling.’

‘But it’s not the baby’s fault and now look what’s happened’ said Hope, her voice shaky.

‘You didn’t cause your mom to have a miscarriage, Hope. That has nothing to do with you.’

‘I know that but I still feel guilty because I had some bad thoughts...’ Hope finally confessed.

‘You wished the baby didn’t exist?’

Hope’s crying intensified indicating Elizabeth had hit the nail on the head.

‘I guess I was jealous’ Hope admitted. ‘Especially when I saw how happy my dad was. _I’m_ his little girl and I didn’t want anybody taking my place. I know that sounds horrible....’

‘No it doesn’t honey. You’ve been your dad’s little girl for almost thirteen years and I understand why you might have felt that way’ Elizabeth responded as she ran her hand through Hope’s hair.

‘But maybe all my negative energy made this happen.’

‘Hope, I hate to disappoint you but I don’t think you have that much power over events’ El said, with a choked laugh.

Hope joined in as she realized how ridiculous she must sound.

‘All I know is that when your mom needed you the most, you were there for her. And that’s no small feat, that’s the sign of a person who can put another person’s wellbeing ahead of her own’ said El as she continued to cradle her against her.

WCWCWC

The two men sat side by side, quietly waiting to hear that Sara’s procedure was over. It was almost nine o’clock and the waiting room was quiet as people came and went, the mood rather sombre. Neal had managed to regain his composure and he was feeling better now that he’d been able to release some of the tension he’d been feeling. He wanted to be there for Sara when she came to – they would both need to work through their grief but for now, there were more immediate concerns such as Sara’s physical and emotional well-being.

He was finally allowed in to see his wife and he gave Peter a rather awkward hug, thanking him for being there and sending him on his way. Doctor Cooper would be meeting with Neal and Sara to go over everything and then Neal would head home to check on the kids.

He was led to another room, on one of the floors this time, since Sara had been admitted for the night. She was lying peacefully when he walked in, sound asleep so he made his way to sit by her side, careful not to wake her. At least while she slept, she could find respite from the physical pain and grief she was experiencing.

He looked down at his beautiful wife, the colour finally returning to her face, her features relaxed at last as she slept, probably with the help of medication. She was everything he’d ever wanted and he came to the realization, once again, that his life would be meaningless without her. She kept him grounded and he didn’t even want to think about where he might have ended up without her by his side.

A small noise was heard as Dr. Cooper stepped into the room, greeting him with a smile.

‘Hi Neal. I’m so sorry for your loss’ she said as she took a seat on the other side of Sara’s bed.

Sara continued to sleep unaware of what was happening around her.

‘We did the D & C and everything looks good. I’ll do a follow-up sometime next week but I don’t anticipate any complications’ she explained.

The sound of her voice finally roused Sara and she opened her eyes, remembering where she was as she looked from Neal to Dr. Cooper.

‘Hi Sara. You did great. It’s all over’ said the kind doctor.

The couple exchanged small smiles and Neal finally allowed himself to touch his wife, taking her hand in his as Dr. Cooper continued.

‘We’ve analyzed the remains and I can assure you that this miscarriage could not possibly have been prevented. The foetus was not viable and couldn’t have survived, no matter what. There were definite genetic abnormalities so I want to reassure you that there is nothing either one of you could have done to avoid this outcome. It was inevitable’ she explained as she looked from Sara to Neal, then back again.

Sara and Neal nodded as they listened. Although the explanations were helpful, they didn’t do a thing to assuage the grief associated with the loss.

‘Thank you Dr. Cooper’ Neal said as she stood to leave.

There was nothing left to say and Neal stood as Sara scooted over to make room for him on the bed.He climbed in, pulling her into his arms and the two of them latched on to each other, crying softly in each other’s arms.

WCWCWC

‘What are you doing up at this hour?’ Neal asked as he popped his head into his daughter's bedroom.

It was close to midnight and Neal had finally left a sleeping Sara at the hospital to get some rest before her release in the morning. He’d made his way home, eager to check on Hope and Liam and he was somewhat relieved to find that his daughter was still awake, quietly reading in bed as she awaited his return. He knew the events of the day would be difficult for her to work through and he wanted her to know how proud he was of the way she’d handled herself and the situation.

‘How’s Mom?’ she asked as she sat up and set her book aside.

Neal made his way to sit on the edge of her bed with a sad smile on his face.

‘She’s going to be fine. They’re keeping her overnight but she’ll be home tomorrow’ he explained.

Hope let out a sigh of relief which seemed to break down her resolve and she began to cry softly.

‘Honey, what you did today was amazing’ he said, his voice quiet. ‘You are such a brave girl, _my_ brave girl.’

‘I’m not brave, Dad. I was so scared’ Hope admitted.

‘Being brave doesn’t mean not being scared, sweet pea. It means doing what needs to be done even when you _are_ scared and that’s exactly what you did’ said Neal, pride evident in his voice.

Hope looked up into her dad’s eyes as she listened.

‘You put a blanket on your mom and you comforted her while you waited for help to come. That was a very brave thing to do. I can only imagine how scared you must have been.’

Hope waited for an instant, feeling the need to come clean.

‘Dad, I’m really sorry I was so awful about the baby. I think.... I ... I was jealous. I was afraid she’d become your little girl and that I wouldn’t be anymore ....’ she began, unable to finish.

He reached out and took her in his arms, his hands running through her hair. ’Hope, how can you think that? You’re my special girl and even if Mom and I had ten other kids, you would always be my sweet pea, my one and only sweet pea’ he said as he held her tenderly.

‘I’m sorry Dad’ she repeated, sobbing.

‘Shhhh. There’s no need. I’m so proud of you Hope and I love you so much’ he said, feeling the emotions rising in him.

He tucked her in and made his way to his bedroom, letting himself fall with a loud thud on the edge of the bed. He reached down to untie his shoes and that’s when it hit. Neal finally let out a mournful moan and began to sob uncontrollably.

TBC


	19. Chapter 19

Sara made it home by noon the next day and was ordered to rest for the remainder of the week while her body adjusted to the changes, both physical and hormonal. Of course, everyone knew that was just a small part of it; having to deal with the grief associated with such a loss was very personal and that part of the process could not be underestimated – or rushed.

Neal made some tea for them and they settled in on the couch in the quiet house.

‘Thanks’ she said quietly as she took the cup from her husband’s hand.

‘How’s the pain?’ Neal asked. That was the easy part, the part that would eventually go away.

‘Not bad, just some residual cramping’ she answered, her voice quiet.

Neal settled in with his arm around his wife as she lay her head on his shoulder, eyes faraway. She’d begun to piece together some of the events from the previous day. She had flashes of Hope being there, of Neal staring down at her but it was all very sketchy and she realized she would probably never completely remember that horrible hour of her life.

‘It’s like... there was a space in my body where she was... and now it’s empty’ she said, her voice sad.

Neal listened as she spoke. Although his heart was breaking, he would never experience that feeling of emptiness as his body readjusted to _not_ being pregnant. He gave her a gentle squeeze.

‘You know, the other night when you were rhyming off those names...’ she began.

Neal let out a small laugh. Sara had teased him mercilessly about being over-excited and over-prepared. She’d seemed aloof as he’d spouted off the litany of names.

‘I really _was_ listening, you know. Those were beautiful names.’

‘Did you have a favourite?’

‘I guess I kinda liked Hannah... and all day yesterday....’ her voice broke as she spoke. ‘...I started to think of her as our little Hannah.’

Neal listened, his eyes beginning to fill with tears. ‘Well, I was never really comfortable with just calling her ‘it’ or ‘the baby.’ he said.

‘Do you wonder what she would have been like?’ asked Sara, her voice unsteady.

‘I imagined her fair, like Liam, with blue eyes and a killer smile.’

‘That sounds nice’ Sara said as she continued to cry softly.

‘She would have been our little princess’ Neal added.

‘You would have been insufferable with another little girl in the house’ Sara said, laughing through the tears.

‘Well, she would have been loved, that’s for sure.'

‘She _was_ loved, Neal. From the moment we got over the shock... I knew that she was special and that she would touch us in her own way – just like Hope and Liam have touched us, in their own unique way’

Neal nodded in agreement as he felt the tightness in his throat. He lifted his cup of tea in a toast as he locked eyes with his wife.

‘To little Hannah’ he said.

WCWCWC

‘Ready?’ Peter asked as he held the car door open for Elizabeth.

She nodded as she took his hand, both of them heading into the medical centre on their way to meet with Dr. Samuels. The verdict was in and the doctor would be making some recommendations for treatment. Peter and Elizabeth had talked it over and they were feeling optimistic about the next steps. Although everyone had advised them not to give too much credence to Dr. Google, they had pored over the many websites and they were reassured that the prognosis was excellent. They just needed to make the best possible choice for Peter and, armed with the information and the doctor’s advice, they were feeling competent to make that decision.

‘How are you feeling Peter?’ asked Dr. Samuels after the usual niceties.

‘Fine. The symptoms are about the same’ said Peter referring to his nightly trips to the bathroom.

‘Do you feel that the symptoms are keeping you from enjoying life – are they a deterrent for you?’ he asked as he looked over Peter’s chart.

‘No, not really’ Peter replied.

‘I’ve looked over all your test results and although we can certainly intervene immediately – or at any point in the future – I would recommend we take a ‘wait and see’ approach for the time being’ said the doctor.

Peter and El exchanged looks. They had read that the best treatment in some cases was no treatment at all. Prostate cancer was a very slow and innocuous form of cancer and once it was on the radar, it could be monitored carefully for changes. If the patient’s quality of life was not impaired by the symptoms, they could continue without treatment for months, sometimes years.

‘Would that have any bearing on the eventual outcome?’ asked Peter.

‘Not if we continue to monitor you and your symptoms. If they become worse or if you begin to have trouble managing them, we could talk about surgery or radiation. For the time being, I don’t see the urgency to move to those options. That being said, we can certainly discuss treatment if you so choose.’

Elizabeth’s shoulders relaxed as she listened. The news was more encouraging than she’d even dared to hope for.

‘So Peter, it’s basically up to you’ said the doctor as he closed the file in front of him.

WCWCWC

‘Look at that one, Dad!’ exclaimed Liam as he ran from one cage to another as fast as his little legs could carry him.

‘He’s a cutie’ Neal agreed as he crouched down to look at the beautiful Chocolate Lab that was sticking his head out of his crate, eager to sniff Neal’s hand.

They were wandering around the kennels of their local ASPCA, checking out the available dogs and Neal wasn’t sure who was more excited, him or the kids. He and Sara had decided that the time was finally right to add a four legged friend to their family. There’d been a lot of heartbreak in the Caffrey household over the past several weeks and the time had come to turn the page and move on to something joyful and what could add more life to a household than a fifty pound bundle of fur.

Hope followed behind, taking her time as she examined each one of the dogs, one by one. She was looking to make some sort of emotional connection.She knew that she could never replace Satchmo but she was open to making a new friend and to building a relationship over time. Neal watched as she wandered slowly, thoughtfully. She’d been through an awful lot and he was relieved to see her taking an interest in the all important task of choosing the family pet.

‘Don’t forget, we need to make sure the dog we choose is compatible’ he reminded the kids.

The shelter’s staff was trained to help prospective pet owners choose the right match for their family, personality-wise and lifestyle-wise. They had directed Neal and the kids towards three or four appropriate choices and Liam was just running from one crate to the other, wanting them all. Neal watched as Hope continued her rounds, observing her interactions with each of the dogs. He knew that she would be involved in the care of the pet and he wanted to make sure they chose wisely.

Hope crouched down in front of Maisy’s cage, a beagle, alert yet reserved. Hope tried to coax her into sticking her head out so she could pet her but the dog seemed a bit skittish. She turned her attention to Pyper, a Border collie with bright eyes. The dog wagged his tail, happy at the attention. Finally, she moved on to Bailey, a gorgeous Golden Retriever/Husky mix. His fur was the colour of gold against the sun and he began to lick furiously at her hand through his crate, making Hope giggle at the sensation. 

Neal looked on fondly. He hadn’t seen her laugh like that in a few weeks. Ever since Sara’s miscarriage, Hope had been sullen, quiet as she worked through the repercussions. Despite having talked it out with her parents, she seemed to carry some residual guilt about the events of that day, not quite sure what to do with those lingering feelings.

‘You like him?’ asked Neal as he came closer.

‘Yeah!’ she said as she continued to laugh.

‘He obviously likes _you_!’ said Neal as he began to laugh himself.

‘You can take him out for a walk if you like’ said Joanne, the staff person who was helping them out. ‘That way you can see how he reacts to you.’

Neal looked questioningly at Hope who nodded enthusiastically.

‘Great!’ said Neal as Bailey was taken out of his cage and put on a leash, his big, bushy tail wagging madly as he continued to lick Hope’s face.

‘I think we might have a winner!’ said Joanne as she handed the leash to Hope.

WCWCWC

‘So, we’re agreed then?’ Neal asked as they all sat around the dinner table munching on burgers and fries while the newest member of the family lay under the table, anxiously waiting for wayward crumbs.

‘Yes!’ they all said in unison.

They had been discussing names for the dog. Although Bailey was a fine name, they wanted to be involved in naming the dog and the new moniker had to resonate with everyone in the family. The list of proposed names lay on the table, each member of the family having contributed one or two suggestions. Hope had deferred to Liam, she didn’t really care what he was called. She already loved him and she surreptitiously slipped her hand under the table palming the dog a small piece of meat from her hamburger. Liam, who was going through a Ninja Turtle phase, had been adamant about naming him for one of the dynamic foursome.

‘Okay, Raphaël it is!’ Neal exclaimed as he gave Sara a knowing sideways glance.

It was the perfect name, all around.

WCWCWC

‘Someone please put Raffie in the backyard’ Sara called out from the kitchen as she put the finishing touches on a plate or hors d’oeuvres. 

Although the dog was learning to fit in nicely, he still got very excited around food and with a dozen guests coming over, this was not the time to have him loose around so much temptation.

Hope came into the kitchen and grabbed the dog by the collar, reaching for his leash.

‘I’ll take him out. He’s due for a walk anyway, aren’t you Raffie?’ she said as she ruffled his fur.

Sara watched her daughter, so competent at taking care of the new addition to the family. She had really risen to the occasion and having the dog in the house had given their daughter a focus for which her parents were eternally grateful.

‘Honey, it’s already 7:30!’ Neal said, flustered as he came around the island, reaching into the fridge.

‘It’s fine Neal. Everything’s under control’ she replied. 

‘What about the beer?’ he asked, voice panicked.

‘Already in the fridge.'

‘And the...’

‘Neal, look at me. Everything is under control’ she repeated as she took his face in her hands to make sure he was looking at her.

‘Sorry… I just want everything to be perfect’ he said, smiling nervously.

‘And it will be. Look, we’ve had Peter and El over hundreds of times’ she explained, calm and focussed.

‘Yeah, but this is their twenty-fifth wedding anniversary and I want it to be perfect’ Neal said as he began to place various appetizers on a platter.

‘It will be’ she said as she turned, grabbing his tie to bring him closer. He was looking spectacular in a pale pink shirt and a fuchsia tie, bringing out the blue in his eyes.

‘You look good enough to eat, Mr. Caffrey’ she said seductively as she placed a kiss on his lips.

That seemed to do the trick and he instantly calmed down, gazing into his wife’s eyes. ‘Can you hold that thought for a few hours?’ he asked with a naughty smile.

She gave him a playful tap on the bum as she returned to the task at hand.

‘Tease!’ Neal let out, as the doorbell rang.

WCWCWC

The party was a huge success as all of their close friends assembled to celebrate El and Peter’s successful partnership. Peter was feeling good, relieved that his health issues were under control and Elizabeth glowed as everyone showered them both with love and attention. It had been a rough summer for the two families but they were coming out of it with renewed hope and optimism for the future.

‘Auntie Elizabeth?’ Hope said tentatively.

‘Hey sweetie! Where were you?’

‘I was out walking Raffie.’

‘He’s beautiful!’ Elizabeth replied as she spotted the dog on the other side of the room with Jones fawning over him.

‘Well, each dog is unique, I guess’ said Hope, sounding wiser than her years.

‘Could you come with me for a minute? I have something for you’ she added.

Hope led the way down the stairs to the studio with El following close behind. Elizabeth had only been down there once in all the years Sara and Neal had lived in the house. She felt it was a sacred place, like walking in uninvited into someone’s bedroom or office. She took one look around, admiring the dozens of paintings lining the walls of the room, amazed at the quality and quantity of pieces produced by the two resident artists. 

She recognized Neal’s style in many of the paintings, mostly portraits of Hope and Liam throughout the years. Her eyes lingered for a moment on his easel as she admired his current work in progress although she couldn’t identify the subject - a beautiful little girl with soft blue eyes, fair hair and an amazing smile. 

Hope led her over to the far end of the room, where she kept her things and El’s eyes widened as she took in the quality of her work.

‘Oh my God, Hope! This is amazing. Can I look around?’ she asked, not wanting to be too intrusive.

‘Sure!’ said Hope a quiet pride in her voice.

‘Honey, you have so much talent!’ El said as she moved from one piece to the next.

She came upon a canvas which was covered up in wrapping paper and Hope’s smile widened.

‘That’s a gift for you... for your anniversary’ she said as she bent down to pick it up and hand it to her aunt.

Elizabeth looked at her, curious as to what was hidden there and she took it from Hope, her eyes shiny and bright.

‘Oh Hope! This is beautiful!’ El said, her voice barely a whisper as she peeked under the wrapping and took in the sight of Satchmo, looking back at her.

Her eyes began to water as she examined the gift, the likeness amazing. She had no idea Hope could paint something so beautiful – she’d captured Satchmo in action, his eyes bright and full of life.

‘You like it?’ asked Hope, nervous.

‘Like it? I love it! Oh, honey, this means so much to me’ she said, turning to hug her goddaughter.

Hope’s smile widened as she realized she’d hit a home run. She had so hoped her aunt would like the gift.

‘I’ve got the perfect place for it – in the living room. Right above where Satchmo used to lie down all the time’ El said, her voice shaky, the tears beginning to flow freely.

‘I didn’t want to make you sad!’ Hope said as she took in the sight of her aunt.

‘Oh, honey. You didn’t make me sad, you made me very, very happy’ said El, reassuringly.

WCWCWC

‘I’d like to propose a toast’ said Neal as the guests assembled, glass in hand.

It was wonderful to have a house full of friends and family, once again. Peter’s sister and her husband had come down for the occasion and of course there were the usual suspects: Diana and Christie, Jones and his wife, Mozzie and June. Neal’s nerves had settled as he’d seen how happy Peter and Elizabeth were, surrounded by their loved ones. He’d prepared a few words to say and he suddenly felt butterflies as he prepared to speak.

‘Peter and Elizabeth have been in all our lives for so long, we sometimes take them for granted. They’ve always been there for all of us, through good times and bad and more importantly, they have stood by each other without fail since the day they committed to each other, twenty-five years ago. I think I speak for all of us when I say that we all look up to El and Peter as the ideal couple, one we all aspire to being more like. Of course, we all know there is no such thing as ‘perfection’....’

Everyone laughed as Neal paused for an instant.

‘... but Peter and Elizabeth are pretty darn close. What I most admire about the two of them is the respect they have for one another. Sure, they’ve had their disagreements over the years but they always try to make room for the other, to see the other’s point of view and they never forget that they’re in it for the long run, no matter what. Sara and I have been inspired by you two and like every other couple, we are a work in progress. I’m just glad we have another dozen or so years to go before we have to try to measure up to the two of you.’

The tension was broken once again as everyone chuckled.

‘So please, raise your glasses to Elizabeth and Peter Burke and wish them well for the next twenty-five years’ Neal added as he raised his glass, encouraging everyone to do the same.

WCWCWC

Sara turned in bed, noticing the empty space where Neal had been just a while earlier. It was early fall, the mornings a lot cooler and she pulled the duvet up a little tighter, letting out a contented sigh.It was Saturday morning and there was no rush to get up. 

She could hear muted noises coming from the backyard and curiosity got the best of her as she finally stepped out of the bed and walked to their bedroom window to see where the noise was coming from. She could see Neal’s head of dark wavy hair coming into view then disappearing as he did something right up against the house, causing her to lose sight of him every few seconds.

She climbed into her robe and, noticing both the kids were still snoozing, she made her way gingerly down the stairs.

‘Good morning!’ said Neal as he spotted her by the patio door, looking out.

He was dressed in an old pair of jeans and a windbreaker over a t-shirt, shovel in hand.

‘What’s going on out here?’ she asked as she pulled her robe tightly around her and stepped out to see exactly what he was doing.

He was working in the flower bed, digging up a small patch. She spotted a container of bulbs next to him and she shot Neal a confused look as she took in the scene.

‘I guess I should have said’ he began, looking a bit embarrassed. ‘I was at the garden centre yesterday and I realized it was probably our last chance to get some bulbs in the ground for next spring.’

Sara began to put two and two together. Neal had said something a few nights ago about tulips and how they were associated with the name Hannah, something he’d discovered as he’d done his research on names.

‘Those wouldn’t be tulips by any chance?’ she asked as she searched his eyes.

He shrugged self-deprecatingly and Sara got closer, slipping her arm around his waist and looking down fondly at the spot where he’d been working.

‘They’ll come up every spring and...’ he let his voice trail.

‘I think it’s a wonderful idea Neal’ she said, hugging him.

He shook off the momentary sadness. ‘You know, I could really use a cup of coffee when I’m done with this’ he said, trying his best to sound nonchalant.

‘One cup of coffee, coming right up’ said Sara as she placed a gentle kiss on his cheek.

La fin


End file.
